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Today's the day Lord. It ends here. I'm tired of passing through these doors unchanged, wearing the mask of lies, hiding the barrenness within. Who was I fooling? I confessed intimacy with the One I could no longer feel. Now this thought causes me to weep. But where were my regretful tears when I walked in darkness and called it light? I left my first love. The familiar path of my religion I have tread to the depth of a grave.
I know that faith pleases You, but my soul aches to feel Your presence as in the former days when I drank from the infinite wells of your love. Why did I leave my heart unguarded against this world? Being full of emptiness has left its bitter taste in my mouth for the final time. Just as the prodigal son realized he could no longer tell himself apart from that which he served, I have come to myself.
I am a child of God, bought with a price, washed in His blood. I am Your house, Father. I have been created to worship, but have been given the will to worship that of my choosing. I choose You, my God.
Though I worship alone, contrary to the multitude, You alone will I worship. Those who knew me best could not see behind the veil of my emptiness. They heard only my assuring voice that all is well. But You know my heart. Look upon this man today, beyond the lips that have worked the words of deceit, into my naked heart. As I drew near onto You, my Home, You ran to me. The shameful doubts of my being that made themselves fat in the fields of my mind have become my fatted calf this day.
Fill my heart with the love of Your Word again; ignite Your fire within me. You are the God of the second chance that I may fulfill Your call on my life. Help me now to walk above my wasted days that I may redeem the time before me.
Even now, as I pass through the door of this church, let those who have seen only the painted smile see the joy of Christ in me, the hope of glory. Let this shepherd, this minister, this man, Your child, bathe in the grace of who I am in You.
It begins here, the rest of my life fulfilled in You.
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