The Official Writing Challenge
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06/01/06
Awesome!
This is excellent writing but I hope to God that this is not a true story.
06/01/06
Wow! That's a really chilling story - desperately moving, inspiring, and (to this mother of three little girls that I desperately want to grow up doing what Jesus would do)scary. Fantastic, crisp, writing. Well done.
06/02/06
I really like this style of writing - short sentences and introspective - very well done.

The death of this girl is unsettling (as it should be.) I would have preferred Sarah taken away in an ambulance and the narrator expressing a desire to talk with her...

But that's just pure personal preference, not a citique.


06/02/06
You posessed a very distinct writing style in this story - I liked it. Great job. :)
This is a very powerful and well-written story. Wow!
06/04/06
It reminds me of how often the Holy Spirit prompts us and we go on about our business, not realizing the consequences. Wonderful job!
06/04/06
Like James, I loved your writing style here--the paragraphs, then the short sentences of reflection. This story is breathtaking, almost allegorical.
Very powerful, very well written. It is a very real look at how people often regret what they have done, or didn't do.

I thought the ending, although sad, emphasized the point very well.
06/04/06
Very artistic ... the style had an almost poetic rhythm to it. Very well done. I like that you tackled a dark segment of life and that it didn't get tied up in a neat little ending. Good work. I think there were a couple of breaks in dialect and maybe a scene or two that weren't quite polished as well as the others. Minor things. The piece packed a punch and you taught us faith in action and that life has purpose. Great job!
06/04/06
Powerful -every teen and teen parent needs to read this.
This gave me chills. I think you told the story beautifully. The ending was horrible, but possible, and very powerful. Always going along, never speaking up...wow. Never know where you might end up.

I love the girl holding the bracelet at the end, as if it was the only thing that could save her.

Awesome.
06/05/06
A sad character study.
06/05/06
Wow, Jessica, yes, it is dark, but it's powerful...the extremes of peer pressure and where they can lead you. The style of writing fit well with the story. Well-done!
Jessica, this is powerful writing. What a message wrapped in a brilliant package of talented writing.
06/06/06
So dark but so powerful!
06/07/06
Yes, I definitely would describe your piece as disturbing - but that's a good thing! As a writer, you did an excellent job. Easy to follow, it flowed smoothly, and caused me to almost "have to" keep reading, even though I was dreading the outcome. How many of us can put ourselves into the narrator's shoes? Maybe not to the point of literally killing someone but still... the only tiny flaw I could find was the relation to "purposefulness" - it seemed a little tacked on at the end. But then again, I had the same problem with my own entry this week LOL.
All in all, a great entry - a definite contender. :-)
06/07/06
So sad ... but very well written. I too liked the way the narrator would tell us a bit about life back then, then his short description of his own response or regrets.

I wondered how he could know it was his own rock that hit her head? Surely there was a volley of rocks thrown? Maybe not?

Disturbing but very effective. Well done.
06/08/06
You go girl! Congratulations! What a powerful piece! CONGRATULATIONS!
Jess...Now I can talk. I read this story twice, and it choked me up to the point of total loss of words. I finally gave up on trying to comment...But I'm SO GLAD this won!!!!! And my buddy Jess is the author...Oh wow, oh wow! My deepest congrats. You're on a rocket to Mars, girl!
Hey Jess...I too was so deeply touched I was unable to comment. I'm so glad this placed. I believe every young child should read this piece. You should try to have it published. I can see it now...you'll have so many offers you won't know which one to chose...but Our Lord and Savoir will show you your direction.

God Bless!! :)
Trina
06/08/06
Well now Jessica, it seems that all your fears of not being good enough for Masters were for naught! As for writing a sucky entry, I somehow don't think it's possible for you to do that :)
06/08/06
Whoa, Jess! This is incredible writing. Just incredible. I wish I'd had time to read it earlier in the week so I'd be one of the first ones saying how amazing it is. But here I am at the end of a very long list of fans. Well, please know, sweet girl, that you are indeed a very talented writer and I am pleased to call you friend! (And pleased to be tagging along behind you in the winner's circle.)
06/09/06
What a disturbing piece! Yikes, the fruit of the fear of man. I'm so happy to see your writing soaring to such heights. Keep it up!
All I can say is WOW!!!

Jessica, this is truly an awesome entry & you totally deserve your win!