Saturday mornings are for relaxation and that’s exactly what I doing. I sat in my favorite green Lazy-Boy, newspaper in hand and coffee within reach.
What more could a man ask for?
I heard my wife enter the room, but I didn’t look up. We had already said good morning and, right now, the sports section demanded my attention.
“Hey, honey,” she said, in her sweet, soft voice.
“Hmmm---“ I mumbled.
“I was thinking we could spend some time together today.”
My ears perked up and I looked over the paper. Pam was still dressed in her silk kimono, long hair damp from the shower. “Spending time together” was about the only thing that could distract me right now. When she batted her baby browns at me, she had me. I grinned and threw the paper on the ground.
“Let’s go!” I said, struggling up from the chair.
“Oh, I was hoping you’d say that.” She pulled a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from behind her back and shoved them into my chest. “Here. Get dressed. We’re leaving in twenty minutes.”
“Huh?” I stood there, dumbfounded.
“I have to go to the mall and look for a dress for Kate's and Adam's wedding. I need your help.”
“What? Wait a minute. Why can’t your mother go with you?”
Pam looked at me strangely. “Because my mother lives five states away.” She rolled her eyes.
“What about Nancy and Kim? Why don’t you treat yourself to a Girl’s Day Out?” I suggested hopefully.
“Honey, come on. They won’t be seeing me in the dress – you will. I want your opinion.”
I sighed and watched the manipulator bounce up the stairs. Why, oh why, couldn’t I say no to that woman?
The mall parking lot was jammed.
“Is there some kind of special event going on?” I asked.
“It’s the Christmas in August sale,” she said, and pointed to a car backing out of its parking space, about a mile and a half from the door. I longed for my recliner.
“I thought it was Christmas in July?” I asked as we walked.
“July is over. Nothing happens in August. They had to come up with something.”
I totally didn’t get it.
My wife was on a mission. In the first store, she marched directly to the dresses, dove into dozens of racks and emerged carrying no less than fifteen. She led me to the dressing room area, where I finally got to sit down. It didn’t matter that I was sandwiched on a sofa between two other helpless looking husbands. The three of us sat awkwardly, waiting for our wives, occasionally checking our watches and cracking a joke or two.
My wife came out and showed me dress number one.
“That’s nice,” I said.
“Nice?” she asked, frowning. “I want, WOW!” She disappeared again.
“She did look good,” offered the guy on my right.
“Yeah,” agreed the left guy.
An hour or so later, we left the first store with no dress. I waved to my two new friends and wished them luck.
For the next four hours, I was dragged through mobs of people, shoved six times, stepped on twice by bratty kids, and snapped at by rude sales people. The worst was that after four hours, Pam was still empty-handed.
“What are you going to do?” I asked, praying she’d just give up.
“Oh – I’m going back to the first store to get the dress you called, “nice.” I really liked that one.”
“WHAT? If you liked it, why didn’t you just get it four hours ago?” Thoughts of my Lazy-Boy returned. I could gotten in a long nap!
“I had to make sure there wasn’t a better deal out there,” she smiled and patted my arm.
I was pretty sure I had gotten the worst deal of all.
“Thanks for tagging along, honey,” Pam said sweetly. “I know you hate shopping and I really do appreciate it.”
I softened. At that moment, I decided that my wife was worth a little discomfort. And that my husbandly purpose had been fulfilled for the day.
When we got home, I plopped into my recliner, completely exhausted. My wife, on the other hand, was exhilarated.
“OK, honey, now we can really spend some time together, if you know what I mean,” she said slyly.
For the first time I could remember, I had a headache.
But you know, I just can’t say no to that woman!
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