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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Purposefulness (Purpose in Life) (05/25/06)

TITLE: Monk's Mom
By dub W
05/25/06


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The 55 Chevy roared with respect while Eddie Williams pressed on the gas. A crowd of onlookers smiled and clapped with approval when Eddie eased off the pedal and motor slowed.

“You do the work Eddie?” Lem Carter leaned against the driver’s door.

“Every bit of it. Drug this thing out of my grandfather’s barn last summer. Only been a chicken coop since 1956.”

Monk Jones stuck his head in the window. “Who gived ya da money.”

Eddie stared straight ahead. “Worked hard for it down at the Mill.”

“Way I heared it, yer ol man gived ya the money.”

Eddie could feel his ego suddenly drowned. Truthfully, his dad had lent him money for parts, but Eddie was working to repay. Eddie turned and glared out the window, “Get yer hands offa the car Monkey, the paint don’t like grease.”

Jones withdrew his long arms and sneered at Eddie. “Why don’t ya go show Tammy yer ride, I’m sure she’d like it.”

Lem Carter quickly stepped between Jones and the car, thus preventing Eddie from opening door. “That was uncalled for Monk.” Tammy was Jones’older first cousin and had been riding with Eddie when Eddie’s car hit an icy spot, spun out of control, and rolled down a ravine. Eddie was barely injured, but Tammy was killed in the accident. Though Monk was only thirteen at the time of the accident, The Williams-Jones feud had been boiling ever since.

“Take the car on home Eddie, you can show it another time.” Carter spoke to Eddie but kept his eyes on Jones. Most of the crowd had walked on to the other cars at the Midtown Car show and scarcely witnessed the ebbing bad blood.

Eddie started his antique car and rolled down Main Street away from the crowd. “Lord, Monk boils my blood. I don’t wanna fight him, I just want him to leave me alone. I know I can’t be forgiven for taking Tammy’s life, but Lord, is this the Hell You have sentenced me with?” The driveway of his father’s two story home came into view and Eddie maneuvered the old car toward the waiting garage opening.

“Brought the car back early.” Eddie’s father was standing in the side door opening when Eddie exited the car.

“Yeah, Monk Jones, was there trying to make a scene..”

“I know. I just got off the phone with Lem Carter. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, think I will just go home and watch some television.”

“Welcome to stay for dinner. Your sister is fix’n chicken and collards. Stinks to high heavens but it’ll be good.”

Eddie thought about his empty apartment refrigerator. “Okay, sure. Tell her to set an extra place.”

“That’a boy. I got something to talk to you about, but later.”

Although Eddie’s father offered the blessing before dinner, all Eddie could think about was his confrontation with Monk Williams.

When all the dishes were cleared Eddie’s father said, “Dottie, would you mind doing your homework upstairs, so Eddie and I can talk.”

“You gonna talk about my birthday present?”

Eddie threw a towel at her. “As if.”

“Okay, but I am thinking of something expensive.”

“Get outahere,” the two men chimed in chorus. She disappeared up the stairs.

Eddie leaned on the table. “I don’t know dad. It’s like God is punishing us.”

“Eddie, God hasn’t handed us more than we can handle. He has given us opportunities to show his love.”

“Love Monk?”

“Absolutely, I bet he is thinking the same thing. You know his mother has Cancer.”

“Oh, no. I didn’t know. Like Mom?”

“Different, but Cancer just the same. He’s just 16, just about the same age you were when we lost your mother.”

“And I killed Tammy.”

“You didn’t kill anyone, no more than I killed your mother. Sometimes the bad things in our life just happen. But, God comes in and says, ‘lets make this work for good.’”

“I suppose. Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Kinda. Eddie, there’s something else I wanna ask you. This will require some purposefulness.

“Wow, dad, what is it?.”

“You’re AB negative right?”

“That’s right; the Army has me on a list.”

“Monk’s mother is AB negative too, and she is having surgery Tuesday. They need whole blood. You up to it?”

Suddenly, the pent up anger left Eddie and he felt a warm glow on the back of his neck.

“Thanks dad. Yeah, I’ll be there.”


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This article has been read 1002 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Rita Garcia06/01/06
Like the twist and turns, kept me reading. Good ending.
Jan Ackerson 06/04/06
What I like most about this story is the realistic dialog...it evokes a time and place that I can easily visualize. And I really didn't anticipate the ending. Very, very nicely done.
Maxx .06/04/06
Dub, I agree with your analysis that the pace / structure could have been smoothed a bit. But the plot, the characters, the dialogue were right there. So, as usual, you are too hard on yourself! What greater purpose than to sacrafice for an "enemy" ... great lesson.
Joe Moreland06/04/06
I really like your writing. It's so easy to read, so unresistable. I can't help but be drawn into your story and it's impossible to not care about your characters, who are as realistic as they come.
Amy Michelle Wiley 06/04/06
It took me a little bit to get into the story, but then I started following better, and it hooked me. Great ending!
T. F. Chezum06/04/06
I like the story. It has good characters and dialogue.
George Parler 06/04/06
I loved the way you allowed the dialog to paint the scene and draw the reader in. Eddie and his father never knew I was at the table. I could see this as a much longer piece. Very nice indeed.
Dr. Sharon Schuetz06/04/06
I loved it. It reminded me of my cousins in West Virginia. The own a hollar and everyone talks like this.
Lynda Lee Schab 06/05/06
Great story, Dub! I also loved the twist at the end. This one would have scored high with me (if I were judging :-)). Very well done!
Blessings, Lynda
Dara Sorensen06/05/06
Good job at capturing dialogue realistically; it took me some time to get into the actual story but it was good in the end. :-)
Joanne Malley06/05/06
Dub,
You're a storyteller! Always love your scenarios; they're often unusual or unique. You have a talent for smooth flowing dialog. Great job. :) Jo
Marilyn Schnepp 06/06/06
Your hint mentioned errors...which I took note of; however, your story knocked them completely out of the picture! Great job and a super finish!
david grant06/06/06
This story moves well. I would, however, like to see this story move on, go beyond 750 words. It feels like there is more to tell, more forgiveness, more healing, more salvation, I think.
Dorothy Purge06/15/06
I enjoyed reading your story Dub. Your dialogue is just fantastic !