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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Joy (05/18/06)

TITLE: The Squawking Fish Who Liked Spam
By Pat Guy
05/24/06


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The gentle hum lulled her once again, caressing her senses …

Lizzy walked by ‘The Room,’ looking away to avoid that which was demanding her attention. No! Not now! she groaned to the dust awaiting her in the bedroom where she was initially headed. I WILL do this!

The gentle hum followed her, embraced her, to lead her back to its abode.

A swish, swish here – a poke, poke there, and she was done with the orange feather duster. But that meant one more pass by … ‘The Room.’ Hmmm … okay …no peeking! Out of sight, out of mind, right? Ha! Yeah, right. Get-a-grip Liz!

She zipped by ‘The Room’ chiding herself for looking so ridiculous. ‘This would make a great sitcom.’ she grumbled as she swiped at the nervous sweat on her top lip, agitated. ‘Man! If they only knew! This is torture!'

She quickly walked outside to get some fresh air – to clear her brain of these tempting thoughts. Water the plants. Yes! That’s a good idea!

Lizzy’s hand trembled as she reached for the spicket. Her breath came in shallow puffs. She leaned into the warm, brick wall trying to ease the anxiety building up within her chest – the noon sun on her face. Breathe in … breathe out … in … out … easy and slow. Wide open spaces, wide open spaces.

‘I bet it’s been about ten minutes already … I can’t take this! I’ve got to know … now!’ She pushed off the wall – in a hurry.

Blinded by the blaze of high noon, (or was it the hope of glory) she nearly tripped over the hose and grabbed a hold of her beloved sundial. She caught it just in time before it smashed into the grungy metal table of red geraniums she picked up for $2.00 at a garage sale.

Reality slapped her in the face. Get-a-life Liz! You can’t live like this! You can’t let IT control YOU! Can you? Liz? Are you listening?

‘Oh yes I can!’ she snapped back at Reality as she ran into the house.

The gentle hum welcomed her back with opened arms – peace eased Lizzy’s mind. She relaxed into the seat of no return, content – joy tingling down to her fingertips. She stared at the computer screen, unsure, palms damp – she wiped them on her jeans.

One click away! Can she handle the disappointment … again? What will it be this time?

A deep cleansing breath reverberated through dry lips.

Click. Mailbox – 7, Spam Folder (10).

‘Ten? It can’t be! Ten? Wow! What if it’s just …?’

She can’t stop now! Eyes bulging, heart racing, she hesitated all of one second.

Spam Folder – click!

Rows and rows of, ‘Feedback@FaithWriters.com…Your article has been reviewed at FaithWriters.com.’

Gaping like a fish out of water, she squawked, ‘What … what … wait a minute …somethin weird’s going on … is it … that good?’

She had to know! Dare she dream?

Two quick clicks, then one more to enable links, and she was at her entry! And there they were! A seemingly endless row of yellow boxes! Woohoo!

Maxx, the first one! Wow! Whoops, she braced herself, there’s no telling what he might say …

Blinking away the blur of anticipation, she began to read, “Wow! Awesome! This entry is perfect, a joy to read in every way. No nit-picks on this one. What more can I say? Better than last year’s ‘Best of the Best’ in my book. (Maxx’s kiss of death can’t touch this one!)”

On and on she read – “Perfect! A Masterpiece! Awesome! A winner! A joy to read!”

All her friends and peers loved it! This was Happy Dance time for sure!

Her heart soared! Joy filled every tear that splonked onto the keyboard. She shook with wonder – soaking in each glorious comment.

Shaking … what was that? Her arm … someone pulling…

‘Mom! Mom! Wake up! I’m home. You’re mumblin’. Are you havin’ a bad dream or somethin’?’

Lizzy woke to a kid who had that look of hope in his eyes. He didn’t fool her. He was hoping she was through with the computer. Fat chance on that one! ‘Oh, hi Stephen.’ she stirred. ‘How’d school go today?’ she insincerely inquired, pushing herself off the daybed. ‘And no, not yet, there’s something I need to check.’

‘Yeah right, Mom, I know. Dream on why don’tcha?’

But it was too late, Mom had already taken the bait – Spam gleamed in her eyes.











©2006


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This article has been read 986 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Suzanne R05/25/06
Brilliant - just brilliant!!!!! Thanks for the laugh and the HUGE smile now plastered over my face as I see myself. What? This wasn't about me?
Amy Michelle Wiley 05/25/06
hahahahaha! I sussed out what was going on halfway through the story. Hilarious!
Cassie Memmer05/25/06
Hilarious! Dare we all dream? You've captured the majority of us, I think. What did we ever do before these humming time killers took us over? I loved this and so will every FW. Thanks for the laugh, and showing us the true, sad affair of our lives and egos! LOL! This is well written too, as always.
Peter Thomas05/25/06
Good job of appealing to your audience. Good story. I know I can relate to this.
Laurie Glass05/25/06
Oh, this is great. You grabbed me from the beginning. You've got me smiling, that's for sure. And talk about a piece others can relate to - you've got one here, no doubt about it. :)
Kirralie Smith05/25/06
What they said... and i just wanted to make sure you get your "10 yellow boxes!"
Lynda Schultz 05/26/06
How very creative of you. Don't worry, the "Best Of The Best" is on the way for you. Good job.
david grant05/26/06
Box 10! Yea. Do a little dance! Wahoo! Hey I could write a Joy entry on getting Box 10...nope too late...rats!

Anyway. Fun piece, written for the right audience 'cause we all been dere. Good title too!

Wish I had written this.
(sigh)


Valora Otis05/26/06
Hey! What's up with the hidden camera! I laughed so hard my sides hurt. This was me this week! ROFL! Well done.
Leslie Lamb05/26/06
The dream was 10 but you just might have 20! Too entirely, pathetically true! O.K. I am convicted! I think I am paying more attention to FW than to my family! LOL! Good job!
T. F. Chezum05/27/06
Very cute story ... but is any story truly immune from Maxx's kiss of death? lol
dub W05/29/06
Totally kewl, very insightful and creative and a really fun read.
Rita Garcia05/29/06
Wonderful, creative, and well written. Thanks for the smile!
Jan Ackerson 05/29/06
Oh, wow--I loved the title, and boy oh boy, can I ever relate! So funny and so absolutely true!
Lynda Lee Schab 05/29/06
LOL. Too fun and too close to home! Can't say I've ever had this kind of dream but I have raced my kids to the computer before. :-) Left me smiling. Well done!
Dr. Sharon Schuetz05/31/06
Oh, how you captured us all in such a fun read. I think we all count those little yellow boxes, and collect them like marbles. Great job.
Linda Watson Owen05/31/06
Here I am, number nineteen, guilty as all the rest and ROFL big time!!! You've captured us all with your wit and brilliant pen, Pat!! Thanks for a hilarious read!!!