Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Joy (05/18/06)
TITLE: The Joy of Soup
By Cassie Memmer
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today is Suzarrde Sammers. I’m so glad to have you visit our show, Suzarrde.”
“Thank you, Hulia. I’m tickled to be here.”
Hulia beamed for the camera. “Today we are making a fascinating composition! Let’s
get started.” She picked up a big soup pan, sat it on the stove and turned the flame on
high. “This recipe has been honed from forty years of cooking and searching for the
“Now Suzarrde, what should we expect from food?”
“Yes, and?” Hulia pointed to the show’s marquee.
“And joy!” Suzarrde giggled.
“Yes, eating should generate JOY!” chuckled Hulia. “And today we’re making Joy Soup
on ‘The Joy of Soup.’
“Let’s see... “ Hulia stroked the bottom of the kettle and without realizing it left the skin
of two fingertips sizzling in the pan, “yes, our pot is hot. First pour in about 3/4 cup of
cod liver oil and throw in 5 cloves of garlic. Often, Suzarrde, foods aren’t satisfying if
made with artificial ingredients, but Joy Soup is made with only the finest, tastiest, all
natural elements. Mmmm, don’t you love the smell all ready? Are you okay, Suzarrde,
you’re looking pale. Could you saute the garlic while I get the chicken?”
Suzarrde swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and said, “Yes, Hulia, I’ll... I’ll try... What
about the skin...”
“Oh, there’s no skin, we’re using boneless, skinless chicken. Take a hammer and
thrash it.” She pounded the poultry passionately. “Then toss it in the pan with the
garlic and fish oil.
“For spices, we’ll not use dried herbs in bottles. We’re going to use a slab of baby back
barbequed ribs... julienned. That’ll supply all the spices we need. Stand back,
Suzarrde, while I whack these ribs with the meat cleaver... Oh... it feels good to take out
your frustrations like this! ...Heh heh, no need to be afraid, Honey,” Hulia huffed as she
wildly wielded the weapon.
“There,” she said, dropping rib slivers into the pot. “Next we need broth, so let’s add
four liters of Mt. Dew, that’ll create just the right amount of zing to our soup. Healthy
too, there’s a little orange juice in there, you know.
“Keep stirring, girl... For creaminess we’re including a half-gallon of vanilla ice cream,
all natural, of course. For tartness, a cup of dill pickle juice. And what would soup be
without salt? So add a pound of anchovies. Mmmm, I can taste it now, can’t you,
Suzarrde? Suzarrde, I’m worried about you, you’re looking slightly green.
“We need just a bit of bitterness to balance the ambience, so add a tablespoon of
chinchona bark, that is, quinine. And the pièce de résistance, a whole coconut
meringue pie for sweetness... What’s the matter, Suzarrde? Are you feeling faint? Is it
the lights? They are bright, aren’t they? Keep stirring, girl, we don’t want it to stick!
“Now that we have the foundation of our soup, it’s time to add the joy. Comfort foods
bring us priceless pleasure, don’t they?
“For those watching at home, if you miss this list just scribble a note or call
1-888-555-Help and we’ll send you this resplendent recipe.
“Here we go: Add, one whole fried chicken, 1 bottle of catsup, 5 cups of mashed
potatoes, a pint of chicken gravy, throw in some leftover biscuits, 3 fried green
tomatoes, a one-pound chocolate bar, 3 chopped onions, 2 peaches, 4 cups of black
walnuts, one box of strawberry-banana gelatin, and three roses and two marigolds, for
color. If your soup is a bit runny add 2 cups of grits. If too thick, add 3 cups of grape
juice.” Hulia lifted the spoon to her guest, “Suzarrde, taste it.
“Suzarrde? ...Suzarrde? Someone help! I think she’s fainted. It’s these hot television
lights. I know that’s what it is. Suzardde? It appears joy has overcome our guest.”
Hulia kicked the fallen woman’s arm out of her way, approached the camera for the
show’s conclusion and with characteristic voice said, “Prepare this captivating feast for
friends and family and experience the same culinary revelation that I did. At first bite
there’s an ‘opening up of the soul and spirit.’ I’ve never been the same!” Gaping back
at the woman on the floor, she continued, “Neither will Suzarrde. Let Joy Soup bring
you the same epiphany. I promise it will overtake you.
“Until next time, this is Hulia Bile, bon appétit!”
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