The Official Writing Challenge
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05/25/06
Oh, no... you're going to leave us there?! Actually, I love the ending - no easy answers. Great writing, scary story, inspiring example of the mother's prayer; well done.
Woah. Powerful story. My heart shudders for those caught in the trap of Satan. Would that they all had a praying mother.
Excellent! Your pen is a powerful crook to pull our heads out of the sand. This is not just a scary story. The issue is real, and it is happening everywhere. Some of these kids don't have praying mothers. May your boldness awaken us to fight for them. You did an absolutely beautiful job!
05/26/06
Excellent! You created tension throughout the story.
05/26/06
Very disturbing - which is good writing.
I think a word is missing here: "Fiery rose up within the young mother."
Note: I don't consider this to be on topic. Having a character named Joy does not make it on topic (IMHO of course.)
Very gripping writing - expected to see her 16th birthday fall on Friday the 13th.
05/27/06
Heart gripping and powerful!
Has the master touch!
05/27/06
Oooh - scary! I like the way you use 'St Margaret's School for the daughter of the godly Maggie. And finishing with the battle for Joy just beginning. Good writing. Just be careful of those apostrophes for possession ("girls' [girl's] life / birthday") - probably just typos.

Good writing.
05/28/06
There's a lot of wonderful stuff here, and to me the best is the ending...the battle for Joy. What a great place to leave it--both suspense and hope.
05/28/06
Wow! What a dark tale - eerie, but terrific storyline and writing. You did an awesome job! Jo :)
WOW! ... Just wow. Excellent! An awesome story.
05/29/06
I think this was very much on topic - because the spiritual battle for joy is very real and constant. You've done a great job making our hearts break for a very dark character. I pray that I could have this mother's heart for every "Joy" I meet.
05/30/06
Excellent writing-the spiritual battle portrayed is so real in so many kids' lives, except they don't even know it. I liked the ending where the Lord spoke to Maggie...truly, the battle must go on.
05/31/06
ooooo.. this is great! Dark storyline, unresolved ending ... did I write this? lol! Actually, I don't think I did because I try to not seperate my stories into sections. Which means that somebody else did! The movement is nice, dark and indirect. There are also some very good pieces of symbolism. Very nice. Adds depth and layers. Don't be afraid to be even more subtle with some of your lines. Over all, most excellent. You wrote a great work! :-)
05/31/06
Wow...it gave me the shivers reading it and that feeling a parent gets for their children in the battle for them to remain in the Lord. I think this was done so well!! Excellent!
Gripping and powerful indeed!! My mind nor my eyes ever wandered from first word to the last! You reached out and grabbed your reader and wouldn't turn loose! Great story...great writer!!
06/02/06
This is great work, as usual for you :-) The only thing that distracted me from this powerful piece is the inconsistencies with the bold face and italics. Sometimes mom's prayers are in italics, sometimes quotes, sometimes bold? Still, this was awesome. Probably lost points on topic, but this piece is so good, you leave the reader wanting another chapter.