The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/19/06
Excellent! You have a gift a creating a character and getting across a message without actually telling us "this is the message". Good work.
I agree with the previous comments. Your talent is evident. It'll only be time when the whole world realizes it. Very, very well written. Awesome message and clear storyline. Great work!
Full bank account, empty soul. You really got into the character and brought home the point! Inclusion of the souffle concoction is brilliant--a picture of every relationship this poor deluded woman has ever attempted. Wonderful job!
05/21/06
Great illustration of how empty one can be with so much stuff. I just couldn't get out of my head the whole time I was reading, though, why was this shallow, pretentious woman cooking? Surely she has someone to do that? :>)
Great story, nonetheless, and, like the others, I love how you got the point across without stating the obvious - and you resisted the temptation to explain why the engagement was broken off, which I found refreshing.
05/21/06
The questions you leave in the reader's mind simply open up the mind and make it chew over the story more, intensifying its unstated message. They act as an alert, a "Stop and look for trains!" signal. Magnificent technique.
05/22/06
I agree that the "device" of the souffle was very effective, and that your writing was quite engaging (no pun intended!). My quibble was with the timeline--the souffle collapses just moments after being put in the oven, and I also don't believe Tiffanie would let her mother go on for so long before dropping her bad news. This was a really fun read!
I loved this mother. You did s great job creating her. The souffle was brilliant.
05/23/06
Yes, the mother was very convinvcing! And the nuance value of the souffle is a great device to underpin it. This also created a great sense of place without describing any actual thing! Well done!
05/23/06
Well done - I like using the souffle and the inevitable "froth." I almost expected that she would have eloped, thus spoiling Mom's plans. Nicely done.
Sooooo awesome! This makes my own creative juices want to flow! And what a shocker of an ending....!!! Great character study on the mom, although I admit I wanted to shake her a few times. :-)

Wow. I wouldn't be surprised to see this in the winner's circle. This is so creative and well-written! Perfect job of showing and not telling.
05/24/06
Fantastic read! Great job!
Very nice..Very creative..I think I know the mom!