The Official Writing Challenge
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I enjoyed this, but I felt that a few of the verses were a little weak. Your message was great and the story was captivating, but to really hit home with me, I would like to see it "tightened up a bit." I really don't want to said too negative, as you did do a fabulous job with the message, word choice and story.
A great message for us all. Perhaps the same message could have come across with fewer verses, but I liked the rhythm.
This poem had a steady rythem but was rather long. Some of the rhyming was almost a stretch, but it had a great message.
This is very good, I was only puzzled about "offrin'" when "offering" wouldn't have upset the rhythm, and would be more in keeping with the tone of the poem. Otherwise, a great ballad, and a lesson well learned.
I do like the character you have drawn here - she just doesn't make the connection! A difficult task to take on in poetic form, but you got your message across.
Loved the message. Great points! Since you're a master I'll say that some of the verses were forced and / or used weaker than needed words. You probably could have trimmed a few verses out and still brought home the same point. BUT, the vast majority of the work was right on and, as I said, the message was killer.
Message inspiring! Good job!
If this was your idea of an experiment, then I'd have to say you've done REALLY well! Don't give up on poetry just yet - this is a fabulous start. A little polishing and practice (just like the honing you've done for articles & stories) is all it'll take. Keep at it, 'cause you seem to have a pretty good feel for it.
Especially liked the first stanza - you hooked me right off. :-)