The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/19/06
Nice story line - giving up material prosperity for the richness of motherhood. You might try breaking your story up into paragraphs. And each time someone different speaks should be a new paragraph. Agape? Perhaps you meant gaped or gaping? Very sweet turn around as mom remembers why she made her choice!
05/19/06
You've got some really good turns of phrase here: the horn goddess, for example. I read this piece with a smile on my face. Learn to format in the FW style (PM me if you need help) and your readership will grow.
Nice job! You'll become accustomed to formatting your pieces, then we will all the more appreciate your wonderful creativity. "The horn goddess," and "rear-view mirror of regret" show depths of genius ready to be plumbed. I thoroughly enjoyed this!
05/21/06
Nice reminder for us to set our priorities straight. We all have our dreams and desires of financial prosperity, and sometimes it gets in the way of the things that are most important.

I agree with others that breaking off in paragraphs would have added to it.

But good article.

Jeff Gante
I agree that the "horn goddess" is hilarious...also that breaking up paragraphs would be helpful for the reader. This line also caught my eye and made me shiver b/c there are times I could have said it myself : "I've no patience for the impatient."