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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Prosperity (05/11/06)

TITLE: Rearview Mirror
By Stefanie Noonan



My agape jaw locked as heavens finest music saturated my ears. There it sat the vision of perfection. Chambers of music drifted euphorically through my weightless being as I continued to stare in awe at one of the deep seeded dreams of my heart. Alas! There it was before my very eyes. The very vibrant color, the exact model of perfection I had yearned for and until this moment had seen only in magazine ads. The red Dodge Ram pickup truck inundated the periphery of my rearview mirror. HONK! BEEP! The towering red Ram squawked ruthlessly as the light flicked to green. The driver's snarled face crammed my rearview mirror as the heavenly music instantaneously faded and reality slapped my ears. "MOMMY! MOMMY! I SAID I'M THIRSTY!! DID YOU HEAR ME? I SAID I'M THIRSTY!" Screeched my five-year-old daughter. "ME TOO!" Piped her four-year-old sister. "Mommy heard you both!" I snapped back as I pressed harder on the gas of my '92 Ford Taurus. "Aha! Take that! And that! Just try to catch up with me Miss Hotty Totty. I dare you!" I thought covertly as I twisted my rear view mirror and sneaked a peak to see if I had appeased the horn goddess with my speed. "I've no patience for the impatient." I mulled inwardly as my exit slipped up unexpectedly. "Whee!" Squealed the girls in the back seat as I whipped right to make our usual exit that we'd almost missed in the mayhem. "I wouldn't honk at the drasted horn goddess if she were admiring her dream vehicle at the intersection, would I?" I stewed silently. "Heavens no!" I responded to myself. "I'd let her soak in the moment. I wouldn't chastise her if the light were green for but a millisecond. I'd let her daydream! I allow her the opportunity to imagine herself behind the wheel of such a power-of such a force!" I rambled within. "Do this!" I hear my five-year-old squeal. "Whee!" Responded her obedient sister. In my still contorted rear view mirror I now catch a glimpse of them both jostling in their car seats with arms raised over their heads as though they were on a ride at their favorite theme park. Through muffled bubble gum squeals they giggled on oblivious to my war within. "Faster mommy! Faster!" Their giggles soothed my furrowed brow as a smile of joy slipped over me. "Was it not for these very moments that I had traded in such material dreams?" I thought to myself. "That I would never have to look in the rearview mirror of regret." "I get to!" I sat up taller and commandingly said aloud before smiling with pride over the sticky seat cushion at my two silly girls. "Mommy's so glad she gets to be with you both." I tell them with a wave of motherly love feelings. "THIRSTY!" They howl in response. "THIRSTY MOMMY!"

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This article has been read 911 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Cassie Memmer05/19/06
Nice story line - giving up material prosperity for the richness of motherhood. You might try breaking your story up into paragraphs. And each time someone different speaks should be a new paragraph. Agape? Perhaps you meant gaped or gaping? Very sweet turn around as mom remembers why she made her choice!
Jan Ackerson 05/19/06
You've got some really good turns of phrase here: the horn goddess, for example. I read this piece with a smile on my face. Learn to format in the FW style (PM me if you need help) and your readership will grow.
Sherry Wendling05/19/06
Nice job! You'll become accustomed to formatting your pieces, then we will all the more appreciate your wonderful creativity. "The horn goddess," and "rear-view mirror of regret" show depths of genius ready to be plumbed. I thoroughly enjoyed this!
Jeffrey Gante05/21/06
Nice reminder for us to set our priorities straight. We all have our dreams and desires of financial prosperity, and sometimes it gets in the way of the things that are most important.

I agree with others that breaking off in paragraphs would have added to it.

But good article.

Jeff Gante
Beth Muehlhausen05/23/06
I agree that the "horn goddess" is hilarious...also that breaking up paragraphs would be helpful for the reader. This line also caught my eye and made me shiver b/c there are times I could have said it myself : "I've no patience for the impatient."