The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/13/06
First day at a new school, so full of dread and hope. Liked the way you played on her name, others have done this in the challenge but not as well as you have. Check your second paragraph, the beginning doesn't quite make sense. yeggy
how sweet. You really captured this little one's heart. Great job!
05/13/06
Yes, this second paragraph threw me too: "The bus-driver lady. Smelled like smoke and had wild hair, wrinkly hands, a mouth that stretched in either a smile or a grimace, but probably stuck somewhere in between." They are not complete sentences. But other than that, I could feel the fright and uncertainty and rejoiced at the solution. Good job.
Very clever writing. Each paragraph begins with Hope. I didn't notice it the first time through, but was tickled that I saw it this time. The ending was perfect and her fears were transmitted through your choice of words. You did a good job of drawing in the reader. The only problem with the "bus driver smelled ... " is the need of a comma. Not a big deal and one that we all do easily when we're writing a story.
05/17/06
A Great Day FOR Hope - and aside from the confusing second paragraph, I thought this brilliantly done. Creative way of describing the Topic, and entertaining as well. Nice job.