The Official Writing Challenge
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Are you sure you're in the right level? I just finished reading all of Masters and this story was equal, if not better than many of the stories in that category. You'll be there in no time. Great story. Your writing is astouding. Keep at it. You'll be famous one day!
What a picture. I had to keep reading. Very well done.
Your story is so real. I thoroughly enjoyed the read.
Oooh, this gave me goosebumps at the last line! I agree with the first commenter (was it Jessica?) This needs to be in Masters. Your choice of words is great (I'm jealous!!!) and the storyline is unique! Well done!
Oooo, this certianly kept my attention. I would have liked to have a hint of why they went out alone in the first place, but otherwise this was great. Good job!
05/14/06
Great story! Lots of forward momentum. Held my interest throughout. I'm guessing they stayed behind because the old man was sick? Enjoyable read!
Oh, wonderful mood, and such an effective treatment of the compassion, loyalty, hope angle! Beautiful storytelling!!
05/15/06
Very realistic portrayal of characters, place and showing the temperature (brrrr) rather than telling. Dialogue worked well, too.
05/15/06
Oh, forgot to say that the story was strong, you kept me engaged, I didn't need to know why they were separated.
05/15/06
What a great read! I thoroughly enjoyed this it was written so well from all aspects! Bravo to you!
05/15/06
This is very impressive writing. Your title speaks volumes to the application of this lesson. Great work!
05/15/06
A definite winner. Great job. Creative and kept me wanting to read more.
05/15/06
This story kept me reading from start to finish. It does well as a standalone short, or I could easily see it as just a excerpt from a much larger story. I felt it could have benefited from more setting (their surroundings, snow, mountains, forest, etc.) all of it was intimated, but not much detail. To do so, though, would have damaged the otherwise excellent story you set. I know from experience that, with only 750 words, there is only so much scene setting you can afford and still tell your story.
At first, I was going to agree with Amy, that it would have been nice to know why they were separated from the tribe, but now I think I'm glad you left out that detail. Gives me something to think about and will keep your story lingering in my mind longer. You did an excellent job with this one Tim. I've been reading for a few hours and this woke me up and grabbed my attention. Hope you place well.
05/16/06
Good characers, I like the way the young had to remind his elder of the lessons taught :)
Strong lesson being driven home here - "The strong believe, they persevere. You taught me that. I will not give up … "

Great job....I am inspired to believe and hope!