The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1923 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Zing! What a great story. I could see it all. Your descriptions are so powerful and the ending was so strong. I believe it plays out this way in war sometimes. Great job.
05/04/06
I hate war - and this beautifully written story only triples my hatred. Nice job on the horrible subject of war.
Wow. Wonderful, yet horrid story. Well done. God bless our troops and their families for their sacrafice.
05/07/06
What an unexpected turn at the end. You did a marvelous job of telling the story through the voice of the one who gave his life.
05/07/06
This quality of writing inspires me! Gripping, vivid, and a perfect picture of "no greater love." Excellent.
05/08/06
Well, that was an unpredictable ending. Great writing. Well done.
05/08/06
Brings the horrors of war home - something that we need to remember, even though we don't want to think of it. Well-done, descriptive, and visual.
05/08/06
No greater love… This is wonderful.
I had a feeling this was yours. One suggestion, you used the word nickelodeon. I know what you meant, but being a mom, the first thought that popped into my head was the kids tv network. Hardly the effect you were going for, but it is something others may be distracted by too. :) Otherwise, very good writing as usual.
05/08/06
Great descriptions - I wouldn't expect any less of you. When you said, darkness covered me, at the end, it seemd to mean that he was dead.
05/08/06
Loved the build up, the twist, the suprise ending. I got it that he died. It was enough to let us know, and it fit well with the piece.

I don't enjoy reading about military war stuff because I lived it, but I read it because it was yours, and you did a great job.

(Purity)
Very vivid and well told story.
05/09/06
My very favorite Maxx story in a while. "no greater love has man than this; that he should lay down his life for hisfriend." That's love. I can't imagine how many millions of times Psalm 23 had been quoted and prayed on battlefields. Great job!
05/09/06
A Love Story by Maxx

I was really wondering what this would look like. :-)
An extremely creative twist on LOVE. I'm not judging this week, but it looks like this scores well in all nine!
05/09/06
I don't think he died. I think Danny prayed for him and the medics got there in time and he maybe only lost a leg or something and got to stay home with his new baby daughter and took up writing.
Sorry...I couldn't stand to see him die. I write my own endings sometimes. You did good, Maxx! Excellent. Kate~
What a beautiful story of friendship. So believable.
05/09/06
Most important is that this story is just written great. I refuse to think he died... he lived. Danny held his hand and it all worked out. The line that got to me (yes, I cried!)was when the world turned to black and white. I don't know why that was mushy, but it was!

But it was sweet that you used my name and said (on the boards) that you liked it! I never much cared for it growing up since its a good one for poking fun at. But I was touched to see it there and read your nice words on the boards!
Amen to all the comments above...this IS excellent. There's no surprise in that from you, Maxx! I love the way you used color images throughout leading right into the contrast of stark darkness at the end. Truly masterful execution of story telling skills!!
05/10/06
Abridged continuity - bet Maxx already found it.
Fabulous, I have been wondering how the judges can pick a winner in the Master's category. Perhaps it's when a writer that raises the bar of excellence again!
I was at a lose for words when I first read this. It is a powerful piece. Congrats on placing.
05/11/06
This is an wonderful story.
As one would say in Danish, it's "barsk"-harsh, rough, or tough. At the same time, love in action is so vividly displayed.
Congratulations on the win!
Excellent writing! Congrats on 7th place!
05/16/06
Pardon the late entry: I read this last week and have to marvel how powerfully your words can grip the heart and pull a reader into the experience. This is on my "favorites" list. Also, I want to thank you for your comment on my "hope" entry this week. I am quite flattered and delighted to know the Best of the Best writer at FW actually read my stuff! Thanks so much!
05/17/06
God has given you such an awesome gift... you glorify God by using it. Keep glorifying him!!!
I read this one in slow motion. I saw it as a movie, heard the music rise, then fall. Saw Danny turn and lock eyes with his best friend. Saw it all. The boom, the blast occurs, back to real time. I've never read anything that I could "see" so well. I truly hope you get your name out there in the world. You'd be one of the greats. Put your stuff beside Blake, Poe and DaVinci. Amazing. Ever think of writting a screenplay? You'd make a great director.
06/28/06
Maxx,

Just catching up on my faithwriter's reading and caught this. It left me breathless. Great story - very powerfully written.