Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Love (04/27/06)

TITLE: Do Daddies Ever Cry?
By Purity Snowe
04/28/06


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

The taxi disappears into the predawn pitch.
My daddy’s leaving again.
He doesn’t see me at the window.
Hand pressed against the glass.
A silent wave…
to the darkness,
the vanishing taillights,
the soldier in the backseat.
Tears stain my cheeks anew.
And what of his?
Do daddies ever cry?

God, when I lay in bed at night I ache inside.
Will you please hold Daddy for me? Don’t let him be sad, too.
Tell him that his little girl misses him.


I helped pack his duffle.
Still stained with Afghani dust.
I hid a picture in it.
For when he’s alone.
A Crayola prayer…
for courage,
for protection in the mountains,
for happy memories of me.
Tears stain the paper by my name.
Will his fall, too?
Do daddies ever cry?

God, sometimes I’m so terrified that I can’t breathe.
Will you please make sure Daddy doesn’t feel that way?
Tell him that his princess prays for him.


He’d found me hiding in the darkness
the day his orders arrived.
He’d just come home.
“Why?” I choked. “Why you?”
Tender, he rocked me.
“Because I shelter you,
I defend you,
I love you.”
Tears stained by grief beset me.
Was his face wet, too?
Do daddies ever cry?

God, it hurts. What if I never see him again?
Will you please send an angel to keep him safe?
Tell him that his baby loves him, too.



The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 772 times
Member Comments
Member Date
david grant05/04/06
Lovely. A poem for our time. Please share it other places too!
darlene hight05/04/06
Poignant! Beautifully written!
Joe Moreland05/05/06
This daddy did, as I read this poem. The anguish leaps out of this piece and grabs your heart, pulling it up into your throat. It becomes as real for the reader as it obviously is for the writer, and I think there can be no greater compliment than that. Very nice job.
Sherry Wendling05/05/06
Beautiful, tender, heart-wrenching poem! I love the scene where she hides her little mementos in his pack, still covered with Afghani dust. Wow! I wonder if this piece might not be even stronger if you "spoke" in the voice of a little girl. For instance, "Tears stained by grief beset me" might translate in her mind to something like, "My chest is breathing so hard and my eyes won't stop crying..."
Anyway, a wonderful piece. I pray for the freedom to express my heart in words the way you do!
Kenny Blade05/05/06
Moving... Flowed well... Tells a story in a unique fashion. Great Job!
Jessica Schmit05/05/06
I agree with sherry. This is a powerful piece, but to really "hit home" with the reader, it should be written with "little kiddie" language. that said, it is still a great piece and you'll do quite well with it.
Helen Paynter05/07/06
This is really great - very powerful. I found myelf wondering as I read it whether it was a good idea to give the little girl such spophisticated language - wouldn't be OK in a story, I think, but in a poem...? Don't know. Brilliant otherwise, some fantastic word use. Love 'Crayola prayer'
Lynda Schultz 05/08/06
Absolutely beautiful.
Amy Michelle Wiley 05/08/06
This made me cry. I agree that the tone of the poem didn't quite match the age of the child, but I enjoyed this none-the-less.
Debbie OConnor05/08/06
Very sweet. Poignant. We know Daddies cry, but daughter's like the one in this entry must bring great joy.
Jan Ackerson 05/08/06
I didn't really have a problem with the "grown-up" language...it was so much a poetic interpretation of the little girl's thoughts, rather than her literal thoughts. Very moving.
Debbie Sickler05/08/06
Hmmm... this was touching and well written, but like some of the others have mentioned, the language made it hard for me to picture her as someone who would hide a crayon prayer. It read as her being more of a young teen at least. Otherwise, it was really good.
Pat Guy 05/08/06
I've been there. I know. Good job Purity.
T. F. Chezum05/09/06
Touching and well written. Very good job.
Lynda Lee Schab 05/09/06
I loved this poem! I loved everything about it except one thing: it ended too soon. For me, it felt like it ended abruptly, like it needed one or two more verses. But other than that, it was a beautiful piece through and through, with a tender yet powerful message. Superb!
Dr. Sharon Schuetz05/09/06
I agree that the language isn't something a small child would say. It does, however, capture the thoughts of a small child's broken heart. Beautiful job.
Carla Feagans05/09/06
Beautifully done. I'm in tears. This should be shared with others, it captures such poignant emotions.
Garnet Miller 05/09/06
What a precious poem. I've never seen my father cry, but I'm sure he has before. They don't show us because they want to appear strong to their children and crying has always been thought of as a weakness in men in our society. I however feel that crying is therapeutic and releases those toxic feelings that could destroy our lives if we kept them inside. I loved this entry.
Rita Garcia05/09/06
Beautiful job, felt the childs emotions as her love for her father shined through.
Maxx .05/09/06
I go out of my way to find your entry each week, Purity. And it's not just your name! ;-) You have great talent. This is another example of that! Great job!
Linda Watson Owen05/09/06
Oh, Purity...you hit straight to the heart, as you always do! Great job!! Thank you for writing this tender poem!
Marilyn Schnepp 05/10/06
Prose that touches the heart strings...and makes it weep. Nice job.
Kaylee Blake 06/08/06
I'm sitting here fighting back tears. My father is now in the National Guard and was in the Army (active duty) for 7 and 1/2 years (even now, he's a police officer). I know what this is about. I've felt this way at various ages all through growing up. Thank you so much for this.
Matthew Gedeon09/20/06
Writting somthing like that forces you to relive it, reading it has almost the same effect. I really appreciate the simplicity of it. I had forgotten how simple life can be if you let it be.