The Official Writing Challenge
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05/04/06
Like this alot until I got to the last few paragraphs. Beautiful feelings and experience I was feeling 'till then. True as your feelings might be I, the reader, was left with a bitter taste instead of encouragement.
This entry contains some strong writing. You painted pictures of fickle love that I understood and believed. The lines about your brother made me laugh.

I liked the "God/Love makes the world go around" tie in.

The end was a little dissatisfying because you introduced a lot of new information without time to resolve it.

Overall, this is a good entry. I enjoyed the read.
05/06/06
I'd really enjoy seeing this expanded, from the paragraph about the shifting sand and the solid rock. You could take each of those "for instances" and show us more about your "fickle-ness", which would heighten the impact of the wonderful conclusion.

Nice writing here; you've had an eventful life. You make me want to know more.
05/07/06
Lots of good stuff here, but I felt you probably had anough to write three articles. One, about the development of love in your life, two about 'Love makes the world go round' (my favourite), and three to cover the last third of your piece. It would be great to have had any one of them developed into a full-length piece.
05/09/06
I have a LOT to say about your article, but not tonight.

I, too, bore the Crimnson and Gold emblem. I did four tours of combat.

I learned that love is an overused word.

I see in your piece, a longing that cannot be filled this side of heaven.

I also understand and cringe at the torture of prisoners. It's not something for the faint at heart...but I would encourage you to try to see beyond that.

I liked your piece because it made me uncomfortable. I think that if more people were uncomfortable, more things would change.

Kiss "Sharky" tonight and rest easy Marine.

We've got your back.

Pauly