The Official Writing Challenge
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04/27/06
Well done! And all in rhyme too! It is an quite a difficult thing to set out to do a narrative poem like this. I have to admit that I found the length quite off putting, and there were a number of rhyming sequences that did not hit true. They came close enough, but not spot on. I would have tended to do a much shorter account and concentrating on getting the metre and rhyme spot on.
04/27/06
Particularly liked this stanza:
“But he’s a simple shepherd boy.
He doesn’t look that sharp.
He spends his days attending sheep
While strumming on his harp.”
LOL!
Good job
04/27/06
Comment: A great story and alot of very good rhyming.

Critique: 7th verse down the rhythm would be better with "upon the heart".

And "13" isn't as good as "something something TEEN" ...but because this is Masters, we feel we can nick-pick.(Smile) Nicely done, although I agree, a little too long...but an expertise in the poet-department.
04/27/06
I liked this. But I thought it tried to capture too much of the story... too many details. That's what leads to the length. Obviously the author has a lot of skill and the word choices are excellent throughout.
04/28/06
Very very nice. I like this! :-)
04/29/06
The eldest son of Jesse was a 'work of art', eh?! Very clever!

I loved it. It shows how God looks on the heart and not at the external - David, who didn't 'look that sharp' - illustrates the point beautifully.

Knowing nothing about poetry, I'll not offer any critique of it. I'll just say how I really enjoyed it. Well done!
05/01/06
This is marvelous! I'd love to see it as an illustrated children's book--or maybe two, since I think you've got two distinct poems here. Great rhyme, meter, really clever word choices. This poem's got it all!
05/01/06
Amazing! I really enjoyed it.
05/01/06
One of my favorites this week! Good job!
05/01/06
"As God smiled down, he said to Sam,
“Arise! This one, anoint!
He is the one that I have picked.
This lad I do appoint.”

Thankfully, God looks on the heart.

Well written, a blessing to the reader.
05/01/06
Great job! I liked this very much. Man's ways are not God's ways. Praise God!