The Official Writing Challenge
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04/27/06
Cute story...AND right on topic! Smile!
04/27/06
This was great. I loved this twist. You have a few sentences that are really questions and should have question marks - just be careful with punctuation. Good job.
04/27/06
This is really funny - I absolutely loved it. I think your first paragraph is a little convoluted, and the odd tiny punctuation slip...but fantastic!
04/27/06
Excellent! I am very impressed with your ability to describe minutia in the story so we feel "front row" while reading it. The thing that makes it impressive is that you never bore or slow down your reader while doing so. Good idea. Good pacing. Good visual. Great piece!
What a cute ending. This was a good twist on this week's topic.
04/28/06
This was adorable, and utterly charming. What a fun twist on the topic! I thought the boys sounded a bit older than 1st or 2nd graders, but that's a very minor quibble. Your creativity, and the mother's exasperation, were both abundantly evident.
04/30/06
I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Your characters are very believable and well developed. One minor point: when the twins first come out of class the slingshot is dangling from their hands, then as they go to the car it's hidden in their shirts. It confused me a little - I would expect the mother to have seen it right away. Not a big deal - the story is wonderful and very well written.
05/01/06
*chuckle, chuckle* Of course something like this could happen! So perfect! And so enjoyable!
05/01/06
And I thought typos could be bad.... should listen more... well done.. except for the "I remembering him scream"
05/01/06
What a cute story! I can really see this happening (the twin boys in my daughter's SS class help ;-) )

So, you've developed your characters, you've placed us in the scene, you've given good flow to the piece - my critique is that the point of view isn't quite specific enough. You seemed to start in Miss Graham's POV, and then shifted to the mom's.

Love the fun, creative take on the topic!
05/01/06
Adorable story! Well written!
Great fun here. The line about one of the boys coming out naked when he played Jesus had me laughing out loud. The end was great, kids do misunderstand us big people that way sometimes. Well done.
05/03/06
Nice cute believable. I agree with all those. I think this is a real winner ... but is perhaps one rewrite short of being a homerun. A few places where words could be snipped (like looking in her rearview mirror) to refine the story down. Other than that,you have the rest of the elements nailed. Great job!
05/04/06
Congrats Jess! Welcome to Level 4!
I just wanted to thank all of you for your incredibly kind words and helpful hints. I appreciate them so much! And to the judges.....You guys rock! Thanks for all your hard work and for giving me this honor. I'm very excited!