The Official Writing Challenge
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This is a piece of history that I was too young to really understand. Thank you for bringing it to light. I was compelled to keep reading from the first sentence.
04/13/06
I loved the opening sentence! ALl the way through, your descriptions continually heightened the sense of fear. By the end, I was afraid and thankful for the moms and the job they did. I think this would be a great tribute to your own mom..let her read this! Love true stories that are retold and come to life so well. Didn't even know that happened here in Florida!
04/13/06
Fantastic piece!
Wow. Awesome story, awesome legacy that your mother gave you.
04/14/06
750 words is not enough for this story. You've written it well, but there are some parts I'd love to see expanded on. Consider lengthening this account and submitting it to a magazine for publication. This is the kind of stuff people love to read about.
Very well done - the fact that it's true makes it even better.
Blessings, Lynda
04/14/06
Wow ... that was true???! That's amazing! And what an experience to have that aura and the safety and the special protective agents ... phew. I ripped through the article anxious to find out what happened ... and wasn't disappointed. Well done.
04/14/06
This is wonderful writing! Your well-chosen words really built the tension beautifully. I remember my high school going through similar rough times in the late 60s and early 70s, but not quite so tense as this. You really put your readers right there on the scene. Excellent!
04/15/06
What a powerful statement! Fathers with guns couldn't restore peace, Special Government Agents couldn't either. What an influence that a mother can have not only to her own child, but to others as well. I couldn't figure out why the girls in the washroom were changing into different clothes. You kept a suspenseful pace through the first half. Good job!
I was hooked from the beginning! I never knew this happened of course I wasn't born till '73. Like the way God protected you. A couple of areas I had to reread to gain clarity of the situtation but overall great read!
04/15/06
Wow! Great writing and descriptions here. You grabbed and held my attention. This is also educational to those of us who didn't experience this type of thing. I know it was eye-opening to me.
04/16/06
I agree with Lynda, this needs expansion and publication! I AM old enough to remember...and even before that, when the "threat" of intergration was merely an idea. We forget, in the scheme of things, what a short time ago that was.
Excellent writing.
04/16/06
I wasn't THERE, but I know it to be true...I lived through the Birmingham riot of '63 and then again through the Detroit riot of '67. The writer has done a great job of telling "It Like It Was"...forced fulfillment, and yes, a part of history. Well written. Nice job.
Powerful job of telling a real life experience! It held my attention throughout the article.
04/17/06
This was very good. Congrats!
Yay, go MOMS!

A gripping story to be sure, with an interesting take on the topic...

I really felt like I was there, especially in the bathroom scene. Good job w/ description and reader involvement!!! :-)
I don't know history very well and was naive enough to not realize that Florida went through this during that era. Thanks for sharing this part of your life with us Pat.

In the fifth paragraph, you started one sentence with 'but' and another with 'and'. I think if you left off those words, it reads much stronger. (I also just noticed it in the seventh paragraph too.)

A few spots were a bit confusing to me, like the girls changing clothes and the jump to walking through the trucks after the dads came. But overall, this was a very interesting story and kept me reading.
04/17/06
You had me riveted the whole way! Great writing - you captured the fear and prejudice of the time. I was in school in Louisiana in the 60's and early 70's and remember the racial divide well. I agree with the others - this would be wonderful expanded into a longer piece!
04/18/06
Wow what a harrowing experience! My dad was one of the first students to integrate the high school that I ended up attending. The fear those students must have faced. The price of justice and freedom is often high. Excellent story!
04/18/06
Great story. Thanks for bringing me to a time that I was not here to see. Wow.
04/20/06
Wow--excellent telling...thank you for sharing it! Time and media have such a way of distorting the truth...but writers like you help straighten it out!