The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/13/06
I truly enjoyed reading this although Christian Fantasy is not a choice of mine. This was beautiful!
04/14/06
Nice allegory. One minor punctuation slip-up is easily fixed ("You've been wounded in Clelestia?" the being asked.) You've created an interesting world here.
I really liked this once I got to the action of the MC. I love setting descriptions and think they are necessary however sometimes starting a story with them can deter your reader to something else. Starting a story with action grabs the reader from the beginning and doesn't let go. Your story did this once I got to the action. Description can be woven into the action which you did so well throughout the remainder of your story! Good job and I love Christian fantasy...reminded me of the Pilgrim's Progress!
ooh, very interesting! I like it!
My personal favorite line, "I know who you are, Fallen One. Leave me." I love the boldness, and the assured faith evident there. Thank you for sharing this.

God bless,

Kevin
I liked the allusions to the narrow path...!! I agree that it would be good to begin w/ action and fill in w/ description later - although your descriptions were detailed and interesting. Very creative story!!