The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
The title...should be "TOO far gone". (spelling) Your grammar also needs to be checked more carefully, and the paragraphing. However, the message was there...just needs editing. I would suggest you start in a lower level, and then work yourself up to Advanced.
You have a great start here, definitely consider expanding it to a full-length short story. These are characters with really interesting stories to tell.
The pain is obvious...and yet there is hope here. A few grammatical changes (verb tenses and sentence structure) would help the reader...but I agree that this could be a story to expand and develop. Maybe I'm reading between the lines, but If you have the Lord and your family doesn't, that's everything. :-)
Thank you for this brief,
though powerful glimpse into
'real' life. Continue to
write! Writing style, grammar, and sense of voice
comes with practice. Also, I
sincerely advise you to encourage your siblings seek professional help. I have had suicide in my family, and any mention of it needs to be taken extremely seriously.