The Official Writing Challenge
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Well done. The modern twist worked well. I had to read the spot where the time jumped forward a couple of times before I figured it out, but otherwise great job!
04/14/06
A modern day David and Bethsheba! Very creative! However, you left your readers hanging...
We need a solution, an ending! Very well written, but I'm still wondering???
I'm glad the MC chose God instead of following David's route but what happened. I'm guessing they told Yuri? Interesting story!
04/14/06
I would also like to see a slightly smoother transition between the first two scenes in the story and a more complete ending. Pretty tough to do in 750, isn't it?! Maybe in the rewrite...Nice job.
04/14/06
I love this! The domino imagery really works here, and the twist in the ending was very satisfactory. One of my favorites.
04/14/06
Very good! I loved the modern approach but especially the use of the dominos slowly falling in the background. Very creative.
04/15/06
Very clever and creative. I also liked the 'domino' motif. Not quite sure about the ending, just because it is different from the original, but that's just my opinion. Very good writing
04/15/06
Very effective. How many of us wish we could back up and rearrange a few important dominoes in our misguided history? I liked this one.
04/17/06
How cool! I love the modern take on an old but still relevant Bible lesson. Well written.
Your reader relates easily...the parallel with David and Bathsheba is clear. The end...asking for forgiveness...presumably intending to come clean...was a surprise, and yet that made it even more involving. The domino imagery hit hard b/c it is so true! We all have dominoes falling every day - how wise to recognize them for what they are.
04/20/06
Your choice of names was really clever! I read the original version of this story just this morning, so it was very fresh. But the ending, of course, was different. I rather like YOUR ending! Well done!