The Official Writing Challenge
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I always especially enjoy Biblical fiction. Good job!
04/13/06
Even though you have detail in this, it still feels a little cold. I'd like to really feel everything going on in Simeon, see through his eyes, yes, but also touch, think, feel emotionally, smell...
Eg. A look passed between the babe's mother and father. She held him out as one would hold a precious vase, looking deep into my eyes as she searched to see if there was any menace within. The scent of the babe wafted up my nostrils, and as the tenderness of the Almighty filled my soul, I reached out in gratefulness to treasure a minute of holding the Blessed One in my trembling arms.
04/14/06
Since this is NOT Biblical fiction - But is TRUE, I suggest you put a footnote as to the Scripture this story comes from: (Luke 2:25)..following your Quotation of what Simeon said. Very well done, a great read, and a moving story that depicts the Topic this week perfectly!
04/14/06
Such a nice job! I would also like to see a little more detail; did Simeon's artheritia ache as he stepped into the cold temple (and did it abate when he held Jeuss)? Was he a little fearful to take the child in his old hands, or was he aware that at any moment now, with the promise fulfille, he may die, perhaps even in the Temple right then? Also, I assume you phrased Simeon's prayer the way you did because that's the way it appears in the Bible but if a non-Christain was to read this it may be a little distracting for it to appear 'chopped up' (a nonChristian friend of mine read a piece I wrote with Bibleical text and made that comment to me--thought I'd pass it on). Overall, good read!
04/14/06
I especially like the way that things focused for Simeon--the vanishing crowds, "it was just Him and me..." That made the character very real to me.
A promise fulfilled - wow! Good story for the topic, for sure.