The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/15/06
You could have left that last line out or put it earlier. Grandma Lewis' remark about inviting people in and not locking them out was the clincher. Good lesson well presented.
03/16/06
Nicely written and a Great Read with a very good lesson for us all! Loved the story from beginning to end...and kept my interest. Nice job!
03/16/06
I almost expected Richard to say "we vote him a raise because he acted as Christ would." Nicely done!
This story reminded me of "In His Steps." This was a great story. But I would've removed the line, "He made the showers available to them, as well as the guest cots and the kitchen!” I think that he would've avoided saying that becuase he would then appear heartless and he was probably careful to protect his image. You have a great writing talent! A fabulous story!
03/17/06
Important message, which you conveyed effectively, but I'm afraid I found the story a bit unbelievable. Do churches really dismiss their pastors on such grounds? I couldn't belong to one that would.
03/17/06
Good message, as stated before, and overall, good write. I think a teenaged girl (at least my two) would die before walking to the front of the church to confront not only an unfriendly windbag like Richard, but the whole congregation. I think it would have been more believable to have her stand and either raise her voice to be heard or talk in a shaky stage whisper. Also, opening the whole church to a family implies the kitchen, cots, bathrooms, etc. (Does your church have showers? Too cool!)
And, yes, Helen (comment above), sadly there are churches who would dismiss a pastor for folloowing Gods instructions and ignoring that of the board. I don't belong to one of them either!
I liked your story just exactly the way it was written and I would not change anything. Wonderful story.
May God Keep Blessing You!