The Official Writing Challenge
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Some good images here. Interesting take on the topic - "Enter WHAT?" I had to wonder if her fiancee would reject her because she kept the baby...a casual boyfriend's rejection is more plausible. Great punch line at the end!
03/07/06
You portrayed Amy's struggle and her later joy, taking it from the emotional to the physical world, really well. I could clearly picture the car, the sidewalk, the clinic and Amy in each of those places.

A few hints:
'“I guess this is it,” she thought to herself.' You can save yourself four precious words by putting “I guess this is it,” in italices, no inverted commas. Readers will assume your character is thinking.

'Five munites, yet.' the 'Yet' is not needed. (Same with words like 'still' and dependng on context, 'now'.)

'In her mind she carried the concerns of her parents, her future, and her fiancée.' This is telling us not showing us. I realize you want to keep back the identity of the place she is entering, and that she is tired of the debate but, for the reader, is there a way you can convey something of the debate without giving too much away?

To heighten the tension keep sentences short. Believe it or not they make the reader's heart race more and feel the emotions of your character. ie 'She shook off the fear. “A normal part of the procedure,” mother said. Amy took a step toward the door. She reached out her hand. Her eyes caught the sign. “Enter.”'

Also, watch out for repetition of words like 'toward'.

One thing that can underpin the emotion for the reader is to not major so much on the physcial. What does she hear, smell, taste or feel as she walks to the clinic? How can the things she experiences through those senses before contrast with the after?

(Sorry if there are spelling errors, Word will not open to let me do a spell check :-( )
03/07/06
Very well written story on the great debate - mark one up for the Pro Lifers. Suspenseful and spells out this week's Topic nicely.
This was well done. Good job!

(and what a blessing to get a long critique from Val. Me next? ;-) LOL)
03/08/06
Thanks for sharing this. Well done. You show the conflicting emotions very well, as well as the pressures that push a woman into "entering" into that dark place. Loved the last line!
03/08/06
Captured the mood well ... told a story by telling a different story. I like it! Nice feel to it. You've done well!
03/10/06
Well written and held my interest. I figured out early on her dilemma and applaud her decision. Boyfriend or fiancee - either way some males desert a woman. This could be a good article in a magazine dealing with Pro Life.
03/13/06
Wonderful - I loved the way God answered her prayers -and she took no time in second guessing that answer!
03/14/06
Very nice! My favorite line was, "The word caught in her mind like a log that turns sideways in the river, jamming the others."...
As for boyfriend/fiancee - I know someone personally whose fiancee moved away & became a youth pastor when she chose to keep her baby. It happens!
Congratulations on your win! Kate~
03/24/06
WOW! WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW! Excellent--we've had to face this decision in our family and this really touched my heart. Good job! (I think you should have taken first place :) with this). You ought to submit it to Focus on the Family's magazine for teenaged girls called 'Brio'. I think they'd eat it up.