From: Jesus Christ
777 Streets of Gold
February 20, 2006
To: My faithful followers
To all it should concern:
How’s everyone doing? (Yes, I already know the answer, but I still like to hear it from you, anyway). I am glad to see that all of you are enjoying the blessings that My Father has given you and am pleased to hear words of gratitude from the few, (still waiting to hear from the rest of you).
As you know, My Father and I love to answer your requests and have done so on every occasion. Keep in mind that We process billions of requests each day and each answered response effects literally everyone, which makes responses much different then what you may have expected. However, please continue to trust that We will make the best decision in helping you in anyway possible.
With that said, My Father and I are now asking a special request from you. We urgently need your help with a young man named Jeremy. We’ve been desperately trying to reach him through blessings such as scholarships, jobs, a brilliant mind, and people skills. When the blessings failed to get his attention, we tried putting him in desperate situations so that he would be forced to call on Us for help, but unfortunately he remained stubborn and callous. We even tried obvious miracles. For example, We brought his dog back to life after being hit by a car. Yeah, We thought that was a good one too, but Jeremy never acknowledged his dog’s recovery as a miracle, instead attributing it as a “scientific wonder.” (I wonder who created science in the first place).
Since Jeremy has failed to see My Father and Me through Our blessings, We are hoping that he will see Us through each of you. The problem is the frustration experienced by Jeremy towards many of his customers who verbally acknowledge they are a proud child of God, only to later confirm their self proclaimed title with their childish behavior. He even notices pastors who preach the “Good Message” in church but allow the message to become cloudy during Sunday afternoon meals.
Jeremy has served many Christians who, after a message about My servitude and love, have rushed out of service in order to beat their rival church to the buffet line. He then tries frantically to refill drinks, clean tables, restock the buffet and take special demands from “My elite”. Although he is cordial, attentive and expedient, his labors are welcomed with impatience, rudeness and endless nit-picky complaints. While he works, pious gossip contaminates the air more dangerously then the second-hand smog in the smoking section. After the table is deserted of all the loud, obnoxious kids (ages 0 – 112), Jeremy gets the pleasure of picking up both the mess and the dollar tip left from the table of twelve. Due to the hypocritical and gluttonous behavior of many Christians, Jeremy refers to Sunday afternoons as “feeding the ‘hypos’.”
As hard as he may try, Jeremy rarely sees anything that resembles Me in the hearts of his customers. That is where each one of you comes in to play. My Father and I are asking for your help in showing Jeremy the truth about Me through your heart and actions. Next time you’re eating at Joe’s Pizza and you ask Us to bless your meal, please return the favor and bless Jeremy with the love, respect, (and money) that We have given you. Although he may have to serve My children on Sundays, invite him to other Church events and services. You never know, he might just come.
We love him dearly and want desperately to have a relationship with him. We appreciate your love and dedication to helping Jeremy, My Father, and Me and look forward to hearing Jeremy’s call to reserve a seat that We have prepared for all Our children at the “Great Banquet Table” where Jeremy will finally be served himself.
Let me bless you,
P.S. Although I encourage you to leave Christian tracts alongside a sufficient tip, please don’t leave the “fake dollar” ones. It was funny the first few times, but now it just gets on everybody’s nerves. Love you all.
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