The Official Writing Challenge
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03/01/06
This is great! So much truth here, and so beautifully written. I loved the way you framed Eryn's story with her mother's prayers, and the loving voice of God.
03/01/06
Great story. One of this week's best, I think.
First things first... first line reads "make his was" ... should read "made his way"... after that I found nothing that stood out :P

I LOVED THIS! You had me feeling every emotion the characters were feeling - from the mother's perspective, the fear and anguish; from the daughter's perspective, the emotional upheaval that had just occured. I enjoyed every part of this! Well done!
I think you did well telling the daughter's history and current problem. I did want more of the future though- her fear of telling her parents and such. I felt the whole part of God's comfort a bit too quick in the story. I tend to take a lot longer in my crying and repenting, but that could be just me.

I loved the details. The puffy red eyes, the mascara, the spikey heels and the soft tender kiss. You really shined here.
Well, I was going to point out the typo with the spider, but Jez beat me to it. So I found this one for you instead: "Eryn's rusty chevette" Chevette should be capitalized. :)

This was very realistically betrayed and well written. (despite the couple typos lol)

"The pricks of her conscience....used gum wrapper" This is a great way to describe the situation.

I loved the descriptions of how her appearance had changed to please someone who was gone and now her appearance would be changing again because of him.
03/02/06
Great story! One phrase I liked: "she fell deep into the well of first love." Such a great analogy!

You did a good job at telling a familiar story--one of the week's best!
03/02/06
Now that the hints are out, I wanted to officially apologize for my blatant typos- how embarrassing! Thanks for reading and commenting anyhow:)
03/02/06
You worry too much about a few typos. The power of the story transcends all that. Besides, you said they were in the first sentence ... they're actually in the second! ;-)

It was an interesting technique to use the book-ends of the mothers actions. Brought home the "prodigal" aspect of the story.

Looks like yet another winning piece from a very strong writer. Congrats!
03/02/06
Ahh... yes! When God speaks to moms - they listen! A precious scenario of forgiveness and of a God Who is always there ... waiting. Beautiful!
03/03/06
Very well written. I felt her pain and the mothers worry. I really enjoyed this piece.
03/04/06
A very true-to-life story, that sadly happens way too many times. But, it's comforting to know we can always go back again.