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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Help (02/20/06)

TITLE: I Shouldn't
By David Ian
02/20/06


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I Shouldn’t


I shouldn’t say I love you
I can’t help it when I do
If I don’t say I love you
Would that make it at all untrue?

I shouldn’t say I love you
As much as I always do
I can’t ignore or try to deny
This burning feeling for you

I shouldn’t think about you
As much as I always do
Of your bright golden hair
And crystal eyes so blue

I shouldn’t think about you
It’s not good for me they say
Of your laugh and your smile
And your easy going way

When the shadows grow long
And the night draws in
My mind starts to think
‘Bout what could have been

Try as I may
Try as I might
I just can’t avoid
Thoughts of you tonight

I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t
E’en through the searing pain

I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t
Yet here I go again

I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t
It’s never going to end

I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t
I shouldn’t
These thoughts to you I send

Help me to understand
The wheres, the whats, the whys
Help me to understand
The rules ‘neath Fallen Skies

Help me to understand
What makes what’s right so wrong
Help me to understand
What makes the days so long

Help me to understand
What makes the wrong so right
And help me to understand
How to survive the night

There’s just so much to think about
There’s just so much to love
And I’ll never hold and touch you again
‘Til we’re both in Heaven above


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This article has been read 872 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Marilyn Schnepp 02/27/06
As for the topic "Help"...it didn't seem to be the focus; however, a real sound of sincerity in this prose that you shared with us.
david grant02/28/06
I think the theme "help" is in the emotion of this poem. It's in every sentence. I hope the judges see it this way.

Very good!

janet rubin03/02/06
I don't know enough about poetry to leave a super-intelligent sounding comment, but here's my thoughts: I liked it, but thought the first part would read smoother if you had the same number of beats on each line (is that meter?). As for fitting with the theme? Sure does. What do we need help with more than love and loss?
Jan Ackerson 03/02/06
I love the middle section with the reptition, very musical. Nice poem, capturing emotions very neatly.
Pat Guy 03/03/06
Grief among the memories is truely sad but I guess the time does come, when the memories bring a smile. Poignant and excellently written.
Jessica Schmit03/03/06
simple, yet captivaing. The repeated verses made for a dry portion towards the middle, yet your talent is quite obvious. I was quite relieved when I discovered that it wasnčt another woman, but THE woman. Clever
Suzanne R03/04/06
So sad ... so beautiful ... and I was most relieved to get to the strong ray of hope of heaven there at the end.

Wonderful writing.
Cheryl Harrison 03/04/06
Love lost? I read the poem three times to figure out if it was love lost because your loved one passed away or love lost because of a break-up. Either way, your words accurately depict the desperation of love lost. I especially felt the desperation in the center part of the poem. Thanks for sharing.
Shari Armstrong 03/05/06
A well written poem,some interesting things going on -the repetition is effective.
Maxx .03/05/06
I liked this ... I've said before that I struggle with poetry .. I just have to experience and not try to worry about the rules. My only concern here is that some of the words choices are too obvious (golden hair, eyes of blue). I know that author can transcend these with stronger selections. But again, good emotional impact and strong writing!
T. F. Chezum03/05/06
Well written. I liked the repetition. Good job.