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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: End (02/13/06)

TITLE: A Storm in the Night
By Kenn Allan
02/18/06


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Ignoring the glowing Noah's Ark switch beside the door, Jenny slipped into the darkened nursery. The full moon outside the window bathed the room with an uncertain glow as it played hide-and-seek among the gathering clouds. She felt as if she was stepping into a dream where all the cheerful colors of the walls and furniture had been mysteriously replaced with muted shades of gray.

Hope stirred in Jenny’s heart. Could it all be a dream? She rushed across the room to the side of the crib and peered over the railing. Except for the rumpled sheets strewn carelessly across the mattress, it was empty. It wasn’t a dream. She was completely alone.

The room grew noticeably darker.

“No!” she wailed, backing away from the crib. This was not how it was supposed to be. Giving birth to Joey meant an end to her loneliness. For the remainder of their days, she would be his mother and he would be her son. She would shower him with unconditional love and never give him any reason to abandon her in favor of his own selfish desires or earthly lusts as his father had done. As God had done.

Fueled by a sudden surge of anger, Jenny faced the window and shook a clenched fist at the impending storm. “How could you do this to my baby?” she shrieked. A blinding flash of lightning revealed the fury etched in her face with hellish contrast. “I will have nothing to do with such a cruel God!” She grabbed the curtains and jerked them shut, plunging the room deeper into a world of nightmarish shadows.

A peal of thunder rolled across the sky, shaking the room to its foundations. In response to the movement, the musical mobile over the crib swayed and chimed a few hesitant notes. The six dangling angels began dancing in the darkness.

Jenny watched the angels, her heart filling with regret over what she had said. “I really didn’t mean it,” she apologized to the ceiling. “It’s just that Joey and I had so little time together. If we could only share a few more minutes, maybe one last song...” She wound up the mobile, releasing a tinkling rendition of Brahms Lullaby. She began to sing:

“Lullaby and good night, thy mother's delight,
Bright angels beside my darling abide,
They will guard thee at rest, thou shalt wake on my breast,
They will guard thee at rest...”
The words broke apart in her throat, choking her. She collapsed into a white rocking chair angled in the corner near the crib. It had been their special chair. With trembling fingers, she lovingly lifted her only picture of Joey from the nearby dresser and clutched it to her breast. The rocking chair thumped hollow against the wall like the irregular beating of his imperfect little heart. As she wiped the tears from her eyes, Joey’s picture slipped from her grasp and clattered onto the floor.

Behind the curtains, a spray of sympathetic raindrops pelted across the window.

“Oh, God, is this how you felt when your Son died?” Jenny sobbed. “How did you bear the pain?”

At that moment, the moon peeked from behind the thinning clouds. A narrow shaft of light passed through the gap in the curtains and reflected off the glass of the picture at Jenny’s feet, filling the nursery with a soft radiance. Once again, all the cheerful colors came alive.

“I think I understand,” said Jenny, gazing around the room in wonder. “Joey is still alive, just like your son, Jesus. Only his suffering has ended.” The moon shone a little brighter. “Very well, into your hands I commend his precious spirit.”

Exhausted, Jenny curled up in the rocking chair and surrendered to the mercies of a dreamless sleep. For the remainder of the night, the moonbeam crept steadily up the rocking chair and caressed her with its reassuring light while passing breezes outside the nursery window breathed a hushed lullaby:

Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed,
Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed.
The storm was over.


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This article has been read 1026 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Schultz 02/21/06
Touching and well written. Thank you.
Kate Wells02/22/06
You captured this mother's pain with your words and showed us the only One who can ease such pain. Thank you
Kate~
Jan Ackerson 02/22/06
Absolutely wonderful...I love the way the storm mirrored Jenny's emotions. Beautifully written, by a skillful wordsmith.
Cassie Memmer02/22/06
This is a beautifully written journey through grief. The storm adds such great dimension to her feelings. Yet you allowed her to find hope and peace. Wonderful!
Shari Armstrong 02/22/06
Simple amazing. I read this as both of my babies were sleeping, one on my lap. You almost had me crying.
Cheryl Harrison 02/22/06
You are an excellent writer. So many emotions tied-up in this piece. Good job.
Crista Darr02/23/06
I grieved with this mother, and felt her comfort too. The realistic emotion of this piece makes it ideal for ministry.
Jhenna  02/23/06
Very powerful piece. I was moved. Thanks for sharing.
Phyllis Inniss 02/23/06
I was truly touched by this article. I felt the mother's pain. I was relieved when she accepted the fact that her son was now safe and she would find peace.
janet rubin02/23/06
You did a wonderful job on this. Lots of neat phrases. I love the line about the rocking chair thumping like the beat of his little heart AND the sympathetic spray of rain. Great.
Marie Gabbard02/23/06
Beautiful. I cried in sadness for the mother and in joy for God's comfort. Wonderful writing. I loved the analogies. Your writing it a blessing.
Linda Watson Owen02/23/06
Wonderful poetic imagery in this heart rending piece. The shaft of light on the baby's picture towards the end is great. Skillfully woven story!
Sandra Petersen 02/23/06
Your beginning paragraph was ominously descriptive; good opening! You have pretty well captured many of the feelings of a newly bereaved mother. In my own grief journey several years ago I found a degree of peace in coming to the realization that your main character did: '“Oh, God, is this how you felt when your Son died?” Jenny sobbed. “How did you bear the pain?”' The storm does, indeed, add much to the intensity of Jenny's emotions and to the scene in general.
Sometimes it takes months or even years to come to this point: '“Very well, into your hands I commend his precious spirit.”' A very good job!
Garnet Miller 02/23/06
A beautiful story!
Anita Neuman02/23/06
It is so difficult to take such an intense situation, convey the pain sufficiently to the reader and then bring it to a realistic conclusion without rushing through and glossing over. But you did it! Congratulations!
The Tornyn02/23/06
You stirred up a lot of emotions with this piece. I loved the description and had to fight hard from crying. well done!
Dara Sorensen02/23/06
Amazing--I was near tears by the end!
Maxx .02/24/06
Kenn, you're a top notch writer, no doubt about it. Every week you display excellence! This is no exception. So, allow me to pick a little bit more closely with you. I thik you had a touch of alliteration troubles... using "dream" too often, the word breast twice in near successive centences, things lik that. Also, I personally would have left the ending unspoken ... don't explain what she realized.. .write it in a way where we came to the same conclusion. But, none of that takes away from the emotion you stirred in this obvious winner. Great job!
Julianne Jones02/25/06
As others have already said, a moving and powerful piece that was well-written. Great job!
Suzanne R02/27/06
The parallels of the physical weather and the emotional turmoil here was really good ... in fact, the whole piece is EXCELLENT - well done!


   
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