The shrill of the whistle interrupted my lap, and disgusted, I slapped the water.
"Man! So close to breaking my record..."
I glanced at my teammates, but they didn't respond to my frustration. Their eyes were focused on Coach whose anxious posture said it all...the time had arrived. No more preliminary runs. No more drags. No more sets. No more teamwork. The race was on to see which swimmer would be the victor.
"Men...I knew the time was close, being that Big Guy carbo-loaded just a few
"Yeah, Coach, the lasagna and garlic rolls provided enough energy to not sleep
for hours, and then Big Guy went and topped it off with a huge Greek salad decked out with ranch dressing. I'll be swimming for days!"
"Swimming for days I hope! Remember you're goal, men! Stay strong! Swim
hard! Swim like Olympians! And, men...FIND THAT EGG!" Coach's tadpole head
shook with such force that I almost didn't notice we were being catapulted toward a new destination-the land of femininity.
Excitement pulsed through my tail as I entered the inviting atmosphere.
"Land of femininity, here I come!"
The size of my team was colossal...millions of us, all looking for that one special egg.
I have to win! I must find her first!
The butterfly was my stroke of choice, and I kicked it into overdrive. A few
dolphin kicks here, a few sprints there, and an overall concerted effort at streamlining pushed me ahead of the rest. Coach had always said to keep my tail compact and as aerodynamic as possible, for this streamlining effect would put me in a straight line to her.
What's that? An impasse? Coach never made mention of a dead end!
Instantaneously, I whipped my tail into a somersault and kicked it against the
muscular wall. The movement threw me into my competitors, and for a brief moment, I sat stunned, unable to swim; bewildered, but able to see it wasn't an impasse, but rather a fork in the road.
Which way do I go? Quick! Decide now...or else, she'll belong to another set of chromosomes. I'm a right-wing kind of guy...I'll go right!
Falling behind, I summoned every iota of energy left in me. Many of the millions were struggling to make it. Their vigor was lacking and they shriveled up and died. I smiled to myself for I knew my conceivability chances were higher now.
Oh no! A dead end...it must be the end of the fallopian. She's not here!
"Turn now!" A somersault flipped me into the opposite direction, and I set my
pace in hopes of making it to the left side. But despair set in, and my faith began to waver as I rolled my body into a backstroke.
I passed through the muscular territory and began the climb toward finding her.
Exhausted, I rolled over and over, unable to streamline in any position, and I found my swim slowed to nothing more than a doggie paddle.
My hope was abandoned when the left side showed no signs of her either, and I
realized the worst possible scenario had taken place. Coach had spoken of it briefly...the birth control pill.
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