The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/06/06
Very interesting article, fairly well written. I wish there might be an opportunity to expand thoughts like these, as there is obviously a greater story.
Oh, "she asked incredulously" - NO.
02/11/06
On the grammar side--watch for its / it's, and "nodded affirmatively" can do without the adverb. The story is good, well-written but very familiar. Consider showing us the argument, perhaps, to draw in the readers? I really your expension of the riding analogy, and the use of "the beast" in your title and throughout the story.
You make a good point - we often try to do in our own strength what is God's to do. I would like a little more emphasis on the "aha" moment and less on the build-up to that moment - but maybe that's personal preference. (Small note: ridden in paragraph 5 is misspelled - riden.) I'm glad you had your character seek help from a more mature Christian leader/mentor - that's an important message in itself.
02/14/06
Please learn from the previous comments. Those folks are very good at what they do. Me? I LOVE THIS! It is so honest and applicable to our lives. Bravo. Well done! Excellent message!
Oh, yes, Kathleen. This is a sensitive and 'real life' portrayal of the struggle so many of us have in controlling the 'beast' of the tongue. I really like this too! Well done!