I’m not in control! God’s in control of everything – right?
Remember don’t sweat the small stuff, God’s got it covered.
…but what about dinner?
…what about getting the kids to school on time, dressed with a good breakfast?
…what about keeping my house clean?
…what about homework, soccer and ballet?
…what about that deadline at work?
…what about sharing my faith with my co-worker going through a divorce?
…what about the bills?
…what about this week’s Bible study class?
…what about exercising?
…what about welcoming the new neighbors?
…what about taking a meal to our sick church member?
…what about laundry?
…what about taking the dog to the vet?
…what about being sexy and in the mood?
…and what about ME?
Are you kidding!
That’s the last thing I’ve got!
Lord, how can I be the model of a Christian spirit-filled woman if I can’t get control of all these things?
…and waited some more.
The heavens were silent. No answers came, just another sunrise glaring back at my eternal schedule.
Waiting in silence, unanswered prayers gave way to anger which bred bitterness and hatched tiny seeds that burst into a harvest of depression. Any hope of control had completely fled. Soon the smallest task overshadowed me with its enormity.
I hated life! If Jesus had come to give life abundantly, He had certainly dump a load of life on me!
Then one day I just snapped. I ranted. I raved. I yelled. I stomped and I cried until all the anger was splattered out all over my prayer closet.
Exhausted I fell silent.
Too tired to move, I waited.
…and waited some more.
The heavens blew a gentle breeze across my wounded heart. Does the clay say to the potter, “I don’t like the way you’ve made me?”
The words stung. Instead of being comforted and receiving pity for my struggle, the Holy Spirit adjusted my focus.
It hurt to realize I was P-R-I-D-E-F-U-L. My need for control was sin. It was rooted in a deep desire for security – on my terms.
If my world worked and looked like I wanted it to, then I was in control – I would feel secure.
If my world revolved around God’s control, it had to turn on an axis of trust.
Which would I chose?
It took time.
…and He waited.
…and He waited some more.
Little by little I released control, extended trust and received His grace.
Slowly the pieces began to fit. Not necessarily like I planned, but the way He planned.
As I watched, I began to see a pattern of grace, mercy and compassion move into every area of my life. Some things got done, others didn’t. Some things others did, not the way I would have, but they got done. Instead of the world revolving around me, I freed up those around me to revolve around God.
I’m not in control. God is – Right! ;-)
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