Home Tour About What's New Help Forums Join Login My Account Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
I
Need A
Savior
301
  

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Control (01/30/06)

TITLE: Soul's Long Slumber
By Chris Clement
01/31/06


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

The church doors opened and Chad walked in followed by a man in a black suit.

“Ah, I love churches.” The man in black said as he grinned. His English accent inflected his amusement.

Chad’s face was haggard, worn, and laden with whiskers. He stopped inside the doors and looked at the pews to his left and right. The back half of the church was empty, usual for Sunday night service. He spotted his wife and their two kids in the front row on the left side, praying as Pastor Mike led them. Chad shuffled into the back pew on his right. The man in black sat next to him and leaned into towards Chad’s ear.

“Let’s not stay long.” His grin revealed rows of glistening white teeth. The man in black’s hair was slicked and his skin tan.

“Remember, your precious Merlot. “ The man moved his arm around Chad and twirled the hair on the back of his head.. “You love how its dry sweet warmth helps you feel at peace every night, don’t you?” The man in black moved closer, his mouth brushing against Chad’s ear, still grinning. “It’s what I love about you, Chad. You seek refuge in yourself rather than ethereal fixes.” The man in black leaned back and surveyed the congregation in front of him. “Not like the pretentious laments of these poor fools.” The man in black’s face grew smug and his arm grasped Chad around the shoulder, pulling him close. “No Chad, you’re in control. You bow to no one. It’s your strength.”

Chad moved his hands to his ears and muffled them.

The man in black frowned. “Are you listening, Chad? Perk up now.” He patted Chad on the face twice, smartly, and then grabbed Chad’s chin and shook it. He laughed and then let out a bored sigh. “I think it’s time to move on. Shall we?” The man in black moved towards the end of the pew but then stopped, realizing Chad was not following. He gazed at Chad queerly and then moved closer to Chad again.

”Shall we?” His voice was deeper, intent.

“I can’t do this.” Chad murmured.

“Can’t do…..what?” The man in black’s eyes squinted at Chad.

“It’s time.” Chad breathed deep. “I have to go. I have to go now. I can’t wait any longer.” Chad stood up.

The man in black smiled. “Good show!” He stood up and clapped Chad on the back.

They moved out of the pew. The man in black turned toward the church doors, but stopped, sensing again that Chad was not following. He turned and glared wildly as Chad walked the aisle toward the cross.

The man in black moved two steps towards Chad and then was blocked. He looked down for a restraint but found none. His eyes shot up, desperate.

“Chad! What are you doing?” He spat quickly.

Keep going. Chad heard a voice say.

“Shut up! Don’t listen, Chad. You don’t want this!” The man in black looked down and saw his feet moving backward against the floor. He reached out and grabbed a pew, but felt the force of the pull stretching him back. His face grew fierce in rage. The slick hair on his head grew wild in frenzy.

“It’s too late, Chad! They will never take you! You know that!” The man in black’s fingernails grew long and scraped against the wooden pew.

Come home, Chad. It’s never too late. You’re almost there.

Chad’s wife turned and saw her husband walking past her. She moved her hand to her mouth, her eyes gleaming with filling tears. Pastor Mike stopped his prayer and looked up hopefully at the man walking toward him.

“No, Chad! You’re mine! You belong to me!” The man in black was thrown back against the church door. His face was pulled back as if the very gravity of the earth was pulling him outside.

The doors burst open as Chad knelt in front of the cross. The man in black screeched as his nails dug into the door. His face was bright red and his eyes pitch black. He heaved breaths in as if the power pushing him back was sucking out the oxygen from his lungs.

The man in black lunged forward and spat with tight hating lips. “No. I am not done!” Then he was swept back with a final push as Chad prayed and was gone.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 501 times
Member Comments
Member Date
terri tiffany02/06/06
Excellent! I loved the struggle and how you zoomed back to see the wife's look as well. Nice writing:)
Lynda Schultz 02/08/06
I am going to be picky here. I loved this until I got to that last line. It strikes me that what you said (or what I think you meant to say) might be better expressed: "Then, as Chad prayed, he was swept back with a final push and was gone." Maybe it's because it's late and my brain isn't working well, but I stumbled over who exactly was "gone". But this was super!
Joe Moreland02/08/06
I loved this piece. The writing displayed the raw rage on the one hand and the raggedy edged desperateness on the other. The story also flows extremely well from beginning to end. I love the pace.
Suzanne R02/10/06
What a beautiful description of the battle for control - great job.
Rachel Rudd02/11/06
Very well written story! Very captivating! I will say that the "English accent" line confused me some. Was he speaking English as a second language or was he just from England? maybe it's just my befuddled brain...
Jan Ackerson 02/11/06
I loved this, every bit of it. The two characters are both wonderfully portrayed and developed, hard to do in such a short peice. The only thing I wasn't crazy about was the title--just sort of ho-hum for such a powerful story. Excellent!
janet rubin02/11/06
Wonderully written. I could see and hear these characters. Great reminder of the unseen battles fought over our souls and the lies the enemy whishpers to us.
Cheryl Harrison 02/11/06
“Remember, your precious Merlot. “ The man moved his arm around Chad and twirled the hair on the back of his head.. “

You described the characters so well that when I came to this line I wanted to reach out and knock his hand away.
Good job writing a piece that describes the struggle over those ungodly things that can control us if we allow them too.

Keep up the good work.
Linda Watson Owen02/11/06
I agree with all the praise above! You carried your reader on an emotional ride through this story that was intriguing, exciting, disgusting, thrilling and breathtaking! Great storytelling!
Joanne Malley02/11/06
Very well done. The eerie truth of this article was right on target. Good job!
Beth Muehlhausen02/12/06
Very involving - great description of spiritual warfare. Personification was excellent! I could almost see the beady eyes of the man in black......!
Joyce Simoneaux02/12/06
Cute story. It kept me smiling to the end.
Pat Guy 02/13/06
Chris, this was one of my personal favorites. It was gripping, real and was well written. Good work!


   
© MeasurelessMedia. All rights reservedTerms of Service