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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Control (01/30/06)

TITLE: If Only Doublestuff Oreos Were Responsive to Mental Stimuli
By Benjamin Stephens


ďLazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper and be satisfiedĒ (Proverbs 13:4 - NLT)

This is the most stupid show I have ever seen. The last thing I want is to watch an infomercial designed to sell me products I donít need at a price I canít afford that do things it never occurred to me that they should do.

For Pete sake why wonít the TV change channels or shut off, this is ridiculous.

ďChange the channel,Ē I will the television to do my bidding, but the Chinese knife wielding lawn mower is beckoning me to make the call that will bring it to my door - shipping included. Just four easy payments that equal the cost of my first home.

I roll my eyes at the shameless carnival-like atmosphere. The mower is used to cut a lawn beautifully, then with a quick adjustment is used to deli slice some cheese. Who in the world wants a mower that slices cheese? I know itís organic, but I really donít want grassy cheese. If you have a pet, thereís stuff on the lawn that doesnít really go well with cheese. One more adjustment and I could get a pedicure.

Oh, there goes the phone. I wonder who that could be? Yada yada yada, now you say something. The answering machine caught it. Why couldnít they just come and see me - or maybe just leave me alone?

The only thing that seems to move is my eyes; everything else is just a nuisance.

Iíd really like a snack, a bag of chips or possibly a pack of Doublestuff Oreos and a glass of milk, now that would really be nice, but the refrigerator is so far away.

I notice the remote on the end table beside me and realize there has got to be a better infomercial waiting just a click away, but Iíd have to reach out my hand and grasp the remote and Iím just not ready for that kind of commitment.

My mind wanders to places vaguely remembered. It would sure be nice to visit again. If only my recliner could be used to navigate the places in my mind. If only I could think of a place and go there. If only I could change the channel by thinking of it. If only Doublestuff Oreos were responsive to mental stimuli.

Oh, great. A new infomercial about an exercise device designed to assist me to better health and longer life. Wonderful! Just what I need, a little more guilt. Letís see, a proper diet and enough exercise to work up a sweat and I can add years to my life. Do they have any idea what they are saying? I canít do those things and sit in my chair. I canít change the channel and remain unmovable. I canít answer the phone without getting up; I canít mow the lawn without increasing my heart rate. These infomercials can be so cruel.

Why does everything have to be so difficult? Why does it seem that I have to do something before the things that I want can actually take place? Why?

So I watch a TV that plays shows I donít want to watch and I miss calls I donít want to answer. My lawn grows while I contemplate a rather unusual deli. My girth enlarges from lack of use while my chair groans under the pressure.

In order for change to take place I would have to take control. In order to take control there would have to be a decisive reaction that results in facilitating change. I would be forced to do something that can only happen through proper motivation and correct response.

I am ready to take control. As difficult as it may be, I will get out of my chair and return a few phone calls, I will make myself a meal, and I will use the restroom.

Hold it! A Three Stooges marathon? Control crisis averted.

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This article has been read 1005 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sandra Petersen 02/08/06
Your title caught me and the first paragraph kept me going! I often wondered why, instead of pocket fishermen, Ronco didn't produce a pocket chainsaw or pocket nuclear device! You have captured perfectly the 'couch potato' mentality and the control needed to conquer it! Thanks for sharing and for moving some of us out of our chairs!
janet rubin02/09/06
I liked it. Made me want to NEVER be this person!
Suzanne R02/10/06
Am almost ... but not quite ... motivated to get out of my seat and do something physical! Well done - I loved it.
Nina Phillips02/10/06
I definitely do not want to be that person, although I find at times then, through your humorous example I am.
I could imagine the lawn mower with attachment for slicing cheese. YUCK! So whitty!
Enjoyed reading your message-loud and clear. God bless ya, littlelight
Jan Ackerson 02/11/06
Your last line is hilarious! I've never understood the attraction of the Three Stooges, but some people (cough hubby cough) find them irrestible. This is first-rate stuff.
Cassie Memmer02/11/06
I didn't know you knew my husband! LOL! I get in the same trap also, but with the computer. Nice work, very enjoyable and entertaining!
Linda Watson Owen02/11/06
Haha! Great funny story! I was going to write the same thing Cassie did. The TV I can leave. The computer? well.... Great job, Benji!
Beth Muehlhausen02/11/06
Fun-ny! Lawnmower and oreos and Stooges and all!!! Clever enough to carry me to another plane - somewhere beyond seriousness. :-)
Joyce Simoneaux02/11/06
Oh, how funny! Excellent! You had me laughing out loud at the lawn-mowing-cheese-cutter. This particular couch potato obviously didn't have telekinetic powers (or would that have taken too much effort and control?). Hmm? Oh well, the control crisis was averted any way. Right? Good stuff! Loved it.
Joe Moreland02/12/06
Leaving a comment is such a strain on my mental faculties - I'd much rather click and read - but your story demanded my fingers move across the keyboard and tell you how funny you made those lazy couch potatoes look. I am so glad that's not me.

Ooooh! I have to go...this wonderful pop-up for an all expenses paid (except airfare, hotel and meals) trip for one and a half person to Paris (Texas) just came up on my computer!!!
Julianne Jones02/15/06
What a humorous and light-hearted way of showing the truth of Proverbs 13:4. And I just loved the voice throughout the whole piece. Well done.