The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/08/06
This was nice. I felt is wrapped up a little too neat and tidy for real life though. Still, some good writing- keep it up.
02/09/06
I really liked the expression "God shapped vacuum"! I really enjoyed your story. Thanks!
02/10/06
I think it quite neat and tidy! Very comprehensible, and I loved the way the Holy Ghost had control. I recognize that! AMEN Great story! God bless ya, littlelight
02/10/06
What a lovely story ... beautiful.
02/11/06
Beautiful story, neatly tied up in a package; has all of the right elements. A word, work on beats.
02/11/06
The first half of this was very engaging, with a really good characters. The ending was just a bit too tidy for me...perhaps if only one character had a change of heart? Leaving your readers with just a bit of unresolved conflict sometimes gives them more to mull over. Good writing skills.
02/11/06
Within the first few paragraphs, I could kinda see that your MC was heading toward either a showdown or an extreme display of patience toward her mother-in-law.
That phrase "put on their church faces" really got me. Someone once said "The greatest conversions (of attitude) often happen in the church parking lot." Some people upon finding their 'comfort zone' being challenged, like Elsie's and Becca's were, would resist the changes. I don't know which would be harderto take: to have my mother-in-law visit and turn our lifestyle upside down or come to church one day to find our worship service completely different.
Especially watch your punctuation and capitalization with the dialogue.
I, too, had a little trouble swallowing the ending. It would be more realistic if Becca only or Elsie only would have submitted to God at the end. Remember, when you commit to the Lord there will always be a testing.
Good thoughts. I agree that the resolution was a little too "easy" to be true-to-life! Still, the message of healing came through.
Well told and engaging story! One most of us can relate to at some point. I understand why you used the image of the no-robed pastor and organless music (the use of contrast), but I feel compelled to say that I've often been brought to tears of praise and prayer from the Spirit led organ music and the inspired message delivered from our robed pastor. Great job telling this sweet story though!!