The Official Writing Challenge
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01/23/06
Wonderful entry. Very realistic emotions and a good ending. I love the title. Looks like a winner!
01/23/06
Powerful, gripping story. I loved the line that said something like, "fell like tears from a murderer." Very well written and expressed.
01/23/06
Well done. An ugly look at a selfish person. And a picture of God's powerful Word.
01/23/06
Powerful entry, and timely, too, yesterday being Sanctity of Life Sunday. Very realistic and heartbreaking portrayal of a scene that occurs more often than most of us dream. I particularly appreciated the irony of him stashing money for an abortion in a Bible.
Powerful!
01/26/06
Controversial, and yet very well written. Somebody mentioned they liked the ending...but to me, there was no ending. Just another fatherless child, another single parent, and an unknown future for all involved. So sad, so true to life, and so unending. Kudos for bravely taking on such a tough subject. Nice job of writing. God Bless.
01/26/06
As always, your writing is "set apart" from the rest of the entries! Simply superb in every aspect.
01/26/06
Good one Maxx! The ending was perfect! Way to go! Yes - a good one. :)
Very well written. I really liked the realistic emotion and the dialogue.
01/27/06
Yes! The ending was a vote for LIFE, no matter the cost! Praise God! Selfishness truly is ugly! Wonderful story, Maxx. Super!
Wow... 'I can hear a baby crying' gave me goose bumps. I know someone who actually said that. Very realistic. Excellent job.
01/27/06
Wow -as usual a powerful piece that makes us think.
01/28/06
Perfect, Maxx. Your male character is really despicable. Very visual. Clever use of the bible as a place to stash his money as a means of getting her to read the Jer. verse. Not having names also gives this piece a universal 'appeal'. Yeggy
01/28/06
Talk about out of the box - abortion money in a Bible. Whoa. Very realistic, though. Good job.
Great job as everyone else has already said. I enjoy your style and the topic was very believably done.

There was only one thing that stood out a little to me. The line, "“I’m haunted by a yearning that I can‘t fill or satisfy.”". It is a good line, but didn't quite seem to fit the flow of the moment. A little more poetic than her words just prior and after. But that's just my opinion about one little line in an otherwise perfectly written entry.
Very, very well done. Keep up the fight.
Ditto to all the above. Perhaps capping the challenge is just the handicap you need - so some of us can at least have a sporting chance. :) Excellent as always.
01/29/06
Tough stuff and so well composed. Obviously beyond the challenge ratings.
01/29/06
This was painfully well-written! Never had an abortion, but I identify with the college 'romance' and the terror of wondering about pregnancy. Nice twist in the middle when Dev thinks he is pointing her to Scripture to take care of the hurt when instead he is just showing her the money to 'take care of the problem'.
I liked the ending because I was not thinking of the 'what nexts'. It just mattered that she dumped the truly selfish one.
Something my husband told me once, though, because the female reader will hate the guy in this: make sure that your bad guy has at least one good point and make sure your good guy isn't an absolute saint (shows some bad qualities). She had to have a reason for loving him besides the physical attraction.
Otherwise,why would she have stayed? Another question: you seem to imply that she had an abortion by this same dude. Why did she stay after he showed his colors the first time??
I did empathize with your female MC and despised your male MC so you did good. Just had some questions.
01/29/06
Set apart, indeed! This is perfect! It has powerful potential to reach out to this lost world! I'd love to make copies and place them in the local Planned Parenthood (may I do that?). I love the ending too. It's real, and a choice women often have to make without the father's support.
01/29/06
I just read this to my daughter, and she remarked that FW should give the good writers (you) more words for their entries :)
Wonderful, Maxx! So charged and gripping. You're a true master story teller indeed!
Excellent! I loved the money in the Bible bit--very real. Your characters are believable and the ending was great.
Wow! Gripping story and very true to many post abortion women. It is very difficult for women in crisis to stand up to a selfish boyfriend but I believe your MC could inspire women to do so. Thanks for bringing light to how the memories haunted her. I think so many think it is a quick fix but in truth the abortion last for the rest of their lives. Good Writing!
Excellent. Superb.
I personally thought this would've made it into a placing. It was amazing. I loved,LOVED how you put the abortion money in Jeremiah. Fantastic! I love the way your mind thinks. SO out of the box! Never stop writing!
Bold story. Your not afraid of the difficult topics. I like how you used characters who were not Christians and allow God's Word to speak the truth instead of a "preachy" message. Look forward to reading more of your stories.
02/08/06
Ditto on all the positive comments above. The realistic characters and situation make this story one that could easily touch non-Christians.
02/11/06
Chilling. No wonder it was commended.
02/11/06
Chilling. No wonder it was commended.
"Oh yeah!!!" That's exactly what I said when I clicked on this entry. This was the best entry that week (in my opinion.) I read it like a prelude to "Turneffe Island." Same girl, different guy and her first abortion was the child she saw on the island. Amazing stuff. First, someone said that there was no ending. Of course there's no ending, because this is just the beginning of a new resolve in the young woman's life. You stayed on topic perfectly. The verse was so haunting. I can't believe you put the abortion money in the Bible. That is pure genious. I loved that part about this piece. That, and the verse that it fell upon. I also liked the POV that you wrote with. It made it easy to read and very engaging to be told to from the "mean boy's" POV. WONDERFUL!!!!