The Official Writing Challenge
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01/11/06
Your way with words is undeniable; your descriptions vivid without adjective overuse, Trevor's and his wife's emotions palpable.

But I was confused by the switching of setting several times, from their home to the outside. Was the outside setting metaphorical? Or was he remembering previous conversations? (It's probably just me...)

Regardless, I'll give this one another reading or two; it really drew me in. Good job!
This was gripping. I agree that the switches from outside to the memories of inside are a little confusing. Perhaps change the flashbacks to past tense or put them in italics. Great story!
01/12/06
You are a master of description! I love the glowering pines and their icicle teeth (just to mention one..)
I was a little confused though too. I'm thinking he wasn't ever really outside. It was the coldness of their home, the icy relationship? Am I right? The "bridge" was the uncrossable bridge between them? I love pieces that make me think. Great work.
01/12/06
Great depth of everything :) Our spouses know this only too well - Two distinct faces on one creation, haha
01/12/06
Reading this twice set the scene for me and I have only one question - How did Trevor see both sides of the snowflake if night had fallen? (am I being too literal maybe?) And it's not fair that this was submitted just before mine! Enjoyed the intensity and reality of this piece!
Wow...what imagery!! Pure poetry!
Excellent imagery! Awesome story!
01/13/06
I didn't find the flashbacks confusing, it all worked for me as his own attention flitted in and out of his physical situation and the situation in his own mind. I guess that's how I think too when I'm absorbed by something.
Great to have you back.
:) Karen
01/13/06
Wonderful, descriptive story-telling! I also stumbled in a couple of spots but this was a gripping read, regardless.
Blessings, Lynda
I love the way his physical condition mirrored his relationship with his wife. Good descriptive writing!
01/13/06
To me, this reminds me of an abstract painting; lots of colorful lines and shapes - but you don't know what it is. You turn it sideways and upside down to try and figure out what it is...what it means? Yes, it's brilliant, colorful, and beautifully done...(and abstracts are my favorite paintings) but I don't understand them.
Very well done.
01/14/06
Glad you're back! Missed your masterful descriptions!
I had questions about whether Sadie had gone insane (the catatonic staring into the dying fire and the spittle at the corners of her mouth) or had died (stooped shoulders, unresponsive, waxy-feeling skin). Death after neglect would be the ultimate hurtful abandonment.
Did Trevor return the ring from the ballustrade to his finger?
I had to reread a few times the reference to the snowflake, and finally I think I understand. What Sadie had become was not how she had to remain. There was hope because both sides of Sadie were in the one woman.
Very deep!
01/14/06
Masterful writing, as always. It's so great to have you back!!!
I think this could be read repeatedly - and the reader would only keep peeling back layers! Thought-provoking and...magnetic.
I laughed out loud when someone referred to not being able to understand this piece. Comparing it to "abstract art." Um...ok (jess, be nice.) Maxx, one only has to read to understand this one. Perfect in every area. Oh, my heart felt for them. I tend to become an ice queen from time to time and I pictured myself in that story. Powerful stuff. I personally took the outside as metaphorical, not sure what your orginal intent was. This story reminded me of my latest problem. I've been studying throughout the summer (university courses). I was reading through a textbook today and shuttering. There were numerous spelling mistakes. It was difficult to understand what wa being said in many parts due to bad phrasing and inncorrect grammer. I had a horrible time trying to study. I say all this to tell you that it's your fault. I've been reading all of your excellent pieces that are of some of the highest calibre of writing in this present day and it makes the writers of my textbooks look like gr one spellers. So thanks Maxx, you've made my life a whole lot harder. I'm trying desperatly to tune out the mistakes and not care your fictional wonder pieces to science Anyway, a bif rabbit trail to tell you well done. There much to this piece, which is why it probably didn't place. People like things that come easily to them, and your stories have depth. it's a shame. Your a gem.
opps, i made numerous spelling mistakes in the above comment! One of them is to read "compare" not "care..."