The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/10/06
This is a lovely testimony, and your joy at escaping into freedom is very evident.

If you re-work this, consider using less metaphors. You chose each one effectively, but there are so many that the reader has to switch from one comparison to the next fairly rapidly.

Your poetic choices were good--the line spacing, the "voice" of the piece. A very nice free verse.