The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/10/06
Great job at writing in the voice of this child--the short, simple sentences work very effectively to show his sad situation. Very compelling writing.
Very well written. It was direct and compelling. I think it would work well in an Aid Campaign T.V. advertisement.
01/12/06
'I am afraid to live because I am not sick and I will live in this sadness for a very long time.' How sad and how true. Well done.

Oh, so skillfully written! I could actually hear the unwritten accent in the boy's voice because you so beautifully captured his speech pattern. Your story shows a terrible situation that calls for prayer and action.
I agree, you captured the essence of a young boy very well with the short sentences and I heard him speaking with an accent too! Great job in bringing his life to your reader.
01/13/06
You captured the boy's speech and sadness well. have you read about Iris ministries yet? They have an awesome story.
01/14/06
Sad story. You captured the child's voice, his life and confusion with great conviction and dexterity. Yeggy
Sad, so very sad, and yet there is a shred of hope - just because Jesus is part of the picture. This makes me want to cling to hope even when the situation seems despairing!!

Liked this: "Mother taught us that Jesus loves us and she told us about heaven. We know that Mother and Father are with Jesus and we pray to Him and ask Him to make our parents happy in heaven. Mother told us that everyone is sad without Jesus – even rich people. And Jesus can make everyone happy – even poor people. When I sing praises to Jesus, I am happy, but there is too much sadness around me."