Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: FIZZLE (06/09/16)
- TITLE: A Little Marriage Wisdom
By Lisa Hudson
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For many couples after twenty-plus years of marriage, the spark that once drew the two of you together has all but fizzled out. The incredible divorce rate in our country provides substantial proof that this may be the case. Even Christian marriages are in the same percentile as secular society. It is sad to think about, really. There was a point in my own marriage when I wondered if this was all there is. It was not so long ago when these fears overwhelmed my heart, but I think I have come out of that storm a little bit wiser.
When we are young, we are basically being programmed for marriage. Perhaps our elders don’t intend for this to be so, but it begins as young as when we are toddlers. A small peck on the cheek from another little friend brings on comments about being each other’s boyfriend or girlfriend. Television constantly reinforces the need to have a mate. While we are in school, that’s all we seem to worry about. We wonder if our ‘crushes’ will ever notice us, or if the cute blonde guy will ever ask our best friend to go out.
By the time we are out of school, we are meant to find that person to whom we will spend the rest of our lives. That in itself is okay. I believe it is God’s plan for us to do this. Of course, just as scriptures say, not everyone is meant to be given in marriage, but that subject is for another time. I believe our problems begin first, if we’re not brought up in a Christian home, where God has been made the center and not our own selfish desires. Second, if we have not been taught to value ourselves as we are, but instead we’re led to believe we must be what the world tells us we should be.
If we fall victim from a home where selfish needs come first and we don’t love ourselves as we are, we will enter into a marriage expecting the other person to fulfill our needs, and to fill the void of feeling valued. The poor soul whom we marry is already placed in an impossible position, especially if they entered the marriage with the same issues! A very wise person once told me to throw out our thinking that ‘he should’, ‘what if’, and the ‘if only’s’. I can’t sum up months of therapy and good advice in a few words here, but simply put, we need to be who we are, and let our mates be who they are. And then love each other anyway.
Marriage was intended to bring together two people who will love, honor and respect each other, for who they are, and not for who we want them to be for us. We are meant to keep Christ in the center, as our example on how to love ourselves and each other. Perhaps it takes twenty-plus years to learn this, and realize the idea of having the same help-mate for all of these years is kind of cool. They know you better than anyone else, the good and the bad, and vice-versa. Once a couple reaches this plateau, it makes another twenty-plus years seem possible, and yes, enjoyable.
And husbands… never underestimate the value of a surprising, long and passionate kiss. You may find your ‘fizzle’ has turned to ‘sizzle’!
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