The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
02/18/16
This is a lot of telling of information. The story of these people sound interesting, however, if you could show them doing something or use some dialogue, it would really bring them to life.
02/20/16
I think you have tried to put 2 or 3 stories in one. You could have singled out one of the people and given us more detail. Sometimes 750 words doesn't seem like enough, and that's partly because we don't narrow our focus.
02/21/16
I would divide your piece into two stories: one about the missionary and one about your mother. Both had indominible spirits in their service to the Lord.
02/25/16
Congratulations, Lisa, on your 2nd place entry in the Advanced Category. Both MCs in the piece were tirelessly devoted.
02/25/16
Congratulations Lisa on your second place win in the advanced division. Both of your MCs left an indelible impression.
Congratulations on ranking 2nd in your level and 17 overall. Happy Dance!