The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/03/15
War brings devastation to so many families. I am so thankful to the young men and women who serve our country so honorably.
This was a heart-wrenching story. It brought a lump to my throat as I thought about the servicemen over seas.
12/04/15
Very touching story. History does indeed repeat itself. Seems today, we are having similar conversations. Thanks for sharing.
Your atmosphere and characterization are excellent.
My red ink is rather knit-picky on some details. I am unclear about the relationships between the characters. There is an uncle, but no aunt, a grandpa, but no grandma. I did not get a sense of the young men being at the dinner table. Time wise, if they had not yet planted, and the US was not yet in the war, it would have been more than seven months before a death would have occurred, even at Pearl Harbor. I could be mistaken, but am almost certain, without researching it myself, that the military sends someone to inform family of a death. Attention to detail in historical fiction is important to consider.
These details, though, do not significantly marr the overall storytelling.
12/05/15
My heart was beyond touched by this powerful story.
Such an emotional story!

Well done.

God bless~
Very moving story. The ending brought tears to my eyes. Good job.

God bless!
Ashley
This is a powerful story. I felt like I was peeking into a scene from the Waltons. You did a nice job of touching on all of the characters, but I wasn't sure who the main character was. Sometimes, it's good to focus on one person and build the story around that person. I could be wrong though. In a way the family was the character. You did a nice job of writing on topic in a fresh and interesting way. Nice job.
12/10/15
Congrats Pat.
12/10/15
I loved loved loved this entry!

Congrats!

God bless~
12/10/15
Congratulations, Pat. Your story was well written.