The Official Writing Challenge
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11/28/15
It's funny how our scariest experiences produce the greatest laughs - not so much at the time but definitely in the retelling. Well done.
11/30/15
I read your suspenseful story with a sigh of relief. Cute ending.
11/30/15
This story is too funny...now. I'm sure it wasn't at the time and for some time after.

I'm sure every second grated on your nerves. Loved the ending too.

Thanks for sharing.
You do a nice job with this. Your conflict and suspense drew me right in. I think you did a nice job of pacing the story with a good balance in revealing enough details at the right time to build the suspense.

In the beginning, you don't let the reader know how the MC knows the kids are asleep in the beds. You could fix it with something like this:
Holding my breath, I tip-toed into the kids' bedroom. Apparently, whatever was making me restless hadn't bothered Randy or Tina who were sound asleep in their beds. Thud. Thud. Thud. I clamped my lips together, hoping to keep the squeal inside my mouth. Well, if it's a robber, apparently, he failed stealthiness in his Robbing 101 course. My lame attempt at humor relaxed me a bit...until the thuds turned into thumps.

In my example, I tried to show how a bit of humor can help make the story stand out, be more out of the box.
Also, I put the thoughts into italics. My example isn't perfect. I've rewritten it a couple of times already, but I hope it shows you what I mean and demonstrates how pretty much everything (Even examples) need tweaking (and it can be done even with a tight deadline).
I did like your ending. I could so picture myself doing something similar. In fact, I think I had a killer opossum on my patio a bit back. ;) I get what you were trying to do with the ending. It did make me smile, but it felt like it needed a bit more. Perhaps she could collapse against the wall, wiping sweat off her forehead and mutter, "Tah, and I had the nerve to call him a jackass." It's a subtle difference, but I think it needed just a tiny bit more. Overall, though, you did a nice job. You set up a spooky atmosphere without the slightly cliché stormy night. I love that she woke up her son. Not the smartest plan, but it felt so real to me. I enjoyed this from beginning to end. I think when a story leaves me smiling, the author has done a good job, and I'm smiling. :)
12/01/15
Well done...you had my attention and never lost it all the way through.

Loved it!

God Bless~