The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/21/15
I'm not the best judge of poetry, but I think your poem has a good rhyme and a very good message. I was a little confused about how old the speaker was, but that isn't necessarily important. Thanks for sharing!
08/23/15
Your poetry has good rhythm. I liked the journey your MC took through life; however, I don't think it met the criteria of this week's topic of oversea vacations.
08/26/15
First, this problem is pleasant and moving. My favorite line is the one that has the mountaintop under her feet :-)

No, I will say if you hadn't clarified the age of your MC in the brick throwing posting, I think I would have been a little confused.

I think your biggest Takeaway should be from the many highlights in this poem:) it really is wonderful. The small criticisms offered above do not detract from the beauty that this piece is:)

Well done:)
08/26/15
*** this POEM ( not problem) is pleasant
08/26/15
*** this POEM ( not problem) is pleasant
I spotted the line giving away the speaker's age and guessed it from the content of the poem. I loved your descriptions of heaven - it's great to know that when we do get there, it won't be for a vacation but for eternity. I think that's what confused me with your piece, given the topic is around vacations.

With respect to the poem, as I said above your descriptive writing was incredible and very moving. The rhyming scheme was pretty clear, and I think I worked out the predominant meter. It wasn't always consistent, though, which is something that can cause readers to stumble. It's things like having a consistent number of syllables and the stresses falling in consistent places, and although it might not follow it exactly, there won't be any big variations. For free verse, however, these rules don't necessarily apply. Jan has done some excellent lessons on poetry (you can find these in the forum). Hope this helps.

Overall, I felt very uplifted and moved by your piece and full of hope - a great way to start my day. Great job!