The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 429 times
Member Comments
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Date
This sounds like a stunning vacation. You did a splendid job of allowing me to see these details through your eyes. My main red ink would be careful about using the universal you. Instead make it personal, turning it into something like this:
At first, I noticed the great number of people... Listening carefully, I tilted my head and attempted to decipher the different dialects.
I know I made some changes to help create a picture and make it feel like the MC is showing me the picture instead of telling, and I used alliteration just because :)

You did a really nice job with the details and facts about the Sistine Chapel. What a blessing to walk the grounds where Paul made sure we would know Jesus. Thank you for sharing this experience with me. I enjoyed it immensely.
08/14/15
I image there are not enough words to describe the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican. Thank you for the tour around the Vatican and other landmarks.
08/18/15
This was a beautiful description of the Sistine Chapel and surrounding areas. I've always wanted to visit there, and you've made me want to even more! Good job.
08/20/15
I have never even thought of a trip to area, until now. Great read and great descriptions.
Congratulations on ranking 14th overall! Happy Dance!