The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/06/15
You made me smile with the "impish" manuever of the MC concerning the boat and splashing. Great story, and certainly on topic.

Well done.

God bless~
This is a sweet story. So many kids today would prefer to be with their phones, so I could totally relate. I also understand how as my family changes, so does our vacations. My husband and I have only traveled without kids three times (one time was our honeymoon) over the 25 years of being together.

You may want to sprinkle details of the back story throughout the tale instead of telling it all at once in the beginning. For example, you could use dialog instead like this: After we settled into the hotel, my husband grinned and grabbed my hand. "Let's go for a moonlit walk."
Glancing at my son and his friend, I nibbled on my lip. "I don't know; the doctor just diagnosed Mike with Asperger's, and Ben is so shy and quiet. Do you think they'll be alright?"
I know I took liberties, but by adding dialog, showing emotions with body language, and giving the boys names, it helps pull the reader in and adds depth to the characters.

I think you did a wonderful job on the ending. Because of the limited word count, many writers struggle with the ending, but you handled it brilliantly. You left me with a huge smile. I really enjoyed your take on the topic too. All in all, this was a delightful read.