The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/28/15
Cute story with interesting ending. Good use of the topic and nicely written. Thanks.
06/03/15
This would be a good story for a middle grade Sunday School paper. Although the end, with their last names being Trust and Obey, was just a bit too coincidental. *smile* Keep writing.
This is a charming story. I liked the way you not only talked about trusting and obeying, but I enjoyed the twist with the names too.

Try to use active lines as much as possible as it will paint more of a picture for the reader. For example:
One guy’s girlfriend marched to their table, screamed at him, and then picked up his plate of penne pasta and launched it at him.

You did a great idea of introducing the conflict and keeping the reader interested throughout. Congratulations on ranking 3rd in your level and 20 overall! Happy Dance!