The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/25/15
I really enjoyed this story. It was creative, and the ending was so uplifting. Thanks for sharing it.
This is a delightful story. Though there have been many this week about wearing the armor of God, you put a fresh spin on it and made it stand out.

Writing in the present tense is difficult. I noticed in the end, you slipped into the past for a bit.

You did a great job of painting a picture for me. Although I suspect this may not have been intended as a children's story, it definitely would make a great one. It would keep both child and adult entertained, and the message is perfect for all ages.