The Official Writing Challenge
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11/28/05
This was different and good...
A great read.
A captivating title.
I just wish I understood it more. I feel like I missing some kind of underlying message...
11/28/05
This was a great idea for a "vines" story, and your title caught my attention right away! Your flip-flopping point of view made it somewhat hard to read, though. Practice writing short stories from just one person's point of view. (If you need clarification, feel free to PM me.)
11/28/05
I love the story, but the POV shifts got me a little, too. ;-) And I didn't quite catch the childhood comments about the daughter and I couldn't figure out what she was pointing at up in the sky at the beginning of the story. But I love the point of the grafting of the grapes and the nationalities.
11/28/05
Okay, I read it again and this time I understand what she wanted her Papa to look at... ;-)
12/03/05
Great title. You obviously know something about grapes. The reality of grafting two good species to make an even better third was well represented in this vineyard; it was a concept the father could understand (and remember). I like it. Good teaching - good story.:0)
12/03/05
Nice story. I've seen the word scuppernong before, but never knew what it meant. I love the line about how Papa's heart can soften and "bends in the tender breeze of love." Nice job.
12/03/05
An excelent job... Loved the sub plot of the grafted vines showing the merging of two faiths.. Well done..
12/03/05
Definitely got the beginnings of a great short story here. Loved the interaction between the characters and, of course, the central metaphor. Yeggy
12/04/05
I can't understand why you're unhappy with this. It was a lovely story with a beautiful message that you conveyed well. It just needs a little editing (for tenses etc) and just watch the POV but otherwise it was well done. I'd really encourage you to have another go at this and submit it to the regular article section. I look forward to reading the extended version! God Bless.
12/04/05
I was pulled into the story and could really feel her hear. heartbreak and anguish..you did a great job showing the emotions...( especially hers)and yes this is the beginning of a great short story. I feel like I saw the beginning of a movie and want more. I also liked how vivid your word choices were. How do you know so much about vineyards?? :)I think your fine writing skills show through here nicely.
12/05/05
Lots of emotion and good writing in this, the ending just needs a little more time for inspiration to hit.
12/06/05
Well done! It was good, Pat! I'm a bit ignorant about vines and grafting, but I thought you made a good point! Well done.
03/27/06
Loved this.
I learned while I felt her desperate plea for scupperwhatevering.
Kinda like Tiva in Fiddler on the Roof meets Jews for Jesus.
Write the rest of the book for us, eh?