The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/28/05
A very interesting analogy! Most of it is very well-written, although some parts are a little vague and a couple parts are over-written. Work on finding that middle ground - you're definitely heading in the right direction!
Has some distance for the average reader. Would recommend toning down some of the writing and then developing more of a cohesive quality. Wonderful original piece.