The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/09/14
Interesting approach to the topic. Nicely done.

God bless~
08/11/14
Interesting. This would make a nice teen skit.
This skit is a creative twist of the devil and angel sitting on the MC's shoulders. You took a cliché and made it fresh and exciting. This is an impressive story.

I noticed some tiny things like their instead of there and when you capped the word, Words, it appeared you were talking about the evangilist's words not the Word of God, so it should be lowercase. The other thing I wonder was where was the daughter? You had the one character be the son-in-law, so I was wondering where his wife was. It doesn't really matter, but it did make me wonder so I thought I'd mention it.

You did a wonderful job of writing on topic. The dialog was a delight and made me smile. I also liked the ending, not just the part about him accepting Jesus, but his changed attitude which is shown when he gets up to help the wife. Delightful job.

I want to tell everyone about a wonderful tool that FW offers free to all members. It's called Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards and is full of wisdom that helps all levels of writers. Jan responds to every post, so if you haven't checked it out or participated recently, I'd urge you to do so.
Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level.